14 Years [GNR/Mötley Crüe]

62. The Art Of Lying

Nadia:

"So, you want me to be your date?" I asked Nikki, clutching the phone closer to my ear as I curled up on the living room sofa.

In his words, MTV was conducting another one of their shitty VMA's. My dad and John declined the invitation. It left the responsibility of representing the band on the shoulders of the other two. According to him, everything was set and done except he lacked a date. That is where I came into play.

"Yeah. Mind putting on something pretty?" He asked, "Or should I ask someone else?"

I let out a chuckle before modestly shaking my head, "You know me too well to not do that Nikki. You don't dare." I said as my lips curved into a smirk.

"I don't dare?" He asked as a tiny bit of Deja Vu hit my brain. I felt like I have had a similar conversation with someone else. But of course, that feeling in my gut only managed to hurt my brain like every other time you have a brush with Deja Vu.

"No, you don't." I shook my head. Shaking off, the part of my brain that swore this has happened before.

"So, you are coming. Right?" He asked once again to which I this time gave him a proper positive answer.

"Great!" He exclaimed before he asked or rather suggested I wear the designer black two-piece dress. It felt weird. Why? Because dressing up for Nikki wasn't exactly a thing. Undressing for Nikki was certainly a thing. But dressing up wasn't exactly his cup of tea. The sole things that he loathes include red lipsticks and how long my hair was. I can choose to not wear red lipsticks but wasn't gonna cut my hair, though.

The truth is, I like lipsticks. I secretly think I look good when I put them on. But I am not as obsessed with red lipstick as I'm with my hair.

Nikki asked me if I had a ride or if I wanted him to come to pick me up. There was no need for that. It was only a few days back I heard Axl talk about this. Apparently, they got the Best Cinematography award for November Rain's music video. So, I did have a ride.

Last night with Axl was weird. There was too much stuff happening and it kind of amazes me that I managed to remain sane all through yesterday. I have hurt him a lot and that guilt was not easy to handle.

It was this suffocating heaviness in my chest as I realized my blunder. Maybe, I knew what I was doing was wrong all along. I just wanted to override and repress it to hide my shame until I started to realize the effect it was wreaking on him.

What I hated the most was how insensitive I had been towards him. I don't even know at this point, how he fought past all of it to reach where he is today. I don't even know how he managed to stay alive and not end up dead. Instead of being happy and proud of him, there I was trying to drag him down to the bottom of the pit from which he started. The fruit of my selfishness. They say ignorance is a bliss but it clearly isn't a bliss for the other person.

We stayed up last night till around four if I am not wrong. We spend the time talking and talking and crying too until we fell asleep. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt him ever again even if it is by mistake. I have put him through all the pain one could endure in a lifetime. Even if I cannot make him smile I can't be the reason behind even a single tear that he might shed.

I told Nikki about what happened last night. I had to talk to him about it. I had to talk to someone about it. I obviously skipped over the specifics but it helped me handle my guilt better. Opening up to him helped. Though last night wasn't a fun affair, I was glad that it happened. At least now, I know that I don't want William. He was a good phase in my life. The best passing cloud. But alas it had passed and I was happy with what I now had. I was happy with Nikki and I was also happy with the way things are now between Axl and me.