14 Years [GNR/Mötley Crüe]

26. New York To Lafayette

William:

It's been six months since I left Lafayette, six months since we broke up, a year since we first met, and four months since I have been in New York.

At first, life presented me with a huge question mark? What will I do? Where will I go? How will I eat? Will I get to see her again? Will I be able to form a band? Will I get a job?

My first instinct was to hitchhike, get a ride, go to where ever the hell they took me. I ended up going to St. Louis with a truck driver...... which was a pretty terrible idea. I can thank the straight edge razor I made Mick get me that day.

Two months in St. Louis, working at a liquor store during the day, night inside the liquor store on the floor under the counter. Didn't take me anywhere, and decided to hitchhike once more but this time to New York, holding onto the razor, keeping my eyes wide open, and not sharing motel rooms with strangers.

This time I got a better job, at a record store, the owner of the place allowed me to stay at his apartment. Sometimes he behaves like he has got a stick up his ass other times he was fine. I could deal with that.

I didn't try reaching out to anyone, not even to Jeff or Amy. I wanted to, but I didn't feel like I was ready to talk to any of them. I made a new friend, a really tall, boney, bleach blonde, almost like a Sid Vicious wannabe with his chains and padlocks around his neck. He was my boss's nephew from Seattle, he came to spend the summer with his Uncle, we clicked immediately. His name is Duff.

I still miss her. Am I heartbroken? Maybe I was but I have adjusted to this life, I am fine, also you can't forget someone whom you loved in few months, it takes time, but I was looking out for myself and that was enough. I still have the ring with her name on it. There were many moments of frustration and anger where I almost threw it away on the sidewalk, but something always stopped me from doing it, maybe for a future physical reminiscent of my first love. I still remember the way she looked at me when she literally kicked me out, more than anger a form of hurt is what she felt. Apparently, my actions caused her pain but even I was equally hurt, the words she said, her tone, her actions. She knew I had nowhere to go, she knows how much I love her, but she didn't care. She didn't care when she pushed me out of that door, she didn't think what would I do on my own.

Did she even mean it at least once every time she told me that she loved me? Why can't she just get out of my fucking head?

It's been six months, I don't even look at any other girls who came to the store, it was almost like I was trying to convince myself that I was in a long-distance relationship. Duff tried to set me up with one of his friends but I just couldn't bring myself to say yes.

The pros of working at a record store were you could get to listen to a lot of music and see a lot of fellow music lovers and musicians. I am starting to get into bands like Nazareth and The Ramones. The Sex Pistols were amazing but they too broke up after the last tour, weird to think that touring can both make as well as break bands.

But I don't think I was going to be able to experience any of these pros anymore. My boss decided to shut down the store. He lost interest and was only losing money from this business.

That meant two things, I was both jobless and homeless again. I could either stay here in New York and waste my life more or do something else. It didn't seem like any sort of scene was happening here in New York, whatever was happening was pretty bland. It didn't seem like the New York that gave birth to The Ramones or The Velvet Underground. Duff has been in a few punk bands before. He says that LA is where you should go if you want to make it, it was true The Runaways, Quiet Riot, and I have been hearing a lot from Duff about this up-and-coming band from LA: London. They were apparently what it would be if Aerosmith, Kiss, New York Dolls, and the Sex Pistols were put together in a blender.