14 Years [GNR/Mötley Crüe]

One Long Night-II

Nikki:

The phone rang once. Then twice. It rang three times fully before it went silent. It is clear and should be understood that if someone doesn't answer your phone then they simply don't want to talk to you.

When Angela called for the first time after I reached LA, I made the mistake of answering cos' I didn't know it was her on the other end.

I explained to her calmly to not call me for a while and to give me some time to think over things but in vain. She called in concern about me after today morning's incidents. Right before I caught my flight to LA.

To say today was a bad day would be an understatement. I don't think I've had things go awry to this extent in a long long time.

The day started with me, my mom, and Angela making our way to pay my dead father a friendly visit. They paid him a visit, I guess. I don't know.

I didn't stay there long enough.

I didn't even get out of the car before my mind went crazy. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't even move as my heart raced in a way it never has before.

In that state of mind, all I could think about was myself.

I didn't speak to either of them or even give them any sign as I left them stranded in a graveyard and made my way to the airport to catch my flight.

Things didn't end there, of course. I had to reach LA. Go over to the Universal Amphitheatre. Get into a fight with Nadia. Behave like a jealous asshole and accuse her of cheating on me and project my shitty day onto her as well. It was only after I spoke to Tommy things started to get clear. They know.

They know everything.

I guessed she didn't want to make a big deal out of my lie as long as I was okay or she was just waiting to bring it up.

I plopped myself up a little as I sat on the bed and looked towards the bathroom door. I could see the lights coming from beneath the door that led to the bathroom.

I sighed thinking that she has been in there for over an hour now.

It wasn't too hard for me to register from the past few days that she was close to Axl. When she went to stay with him a little over a month ago, he was a monster in her mind. Someone she never ever wanted to talk to for more than five minutes (out of courtesy). We have run into him multiple times since she and I started dating and she disliked his presence. She disliked him for everything about him brought back memories of lost love, an abusive ex-boyfriend, and a miscarriage.

Those feelings didn't last.

They weren't eternal like I presumed. Her feelings changed. She got closer to him. She spent time with him. She started to like those moments with him.

I know she would never cross a line but I am only human. Another raw human who has a lot of problems and fear and insecurities in life.

We didn't speak.

Not even a word ever since I gave her an ultimatum in the heat of the moment. She came with me, though.

The drive home was silent and tension filled. It was a surprise that we didn't break out into another fight. Then I jumped in the shower. That brought me back to my senses fully. I know I had reasons deep down for the things I did but I also realize that the ways I retorted to solving them weren't right either.

When I got out of the shower with a clear head and a lot of things to talk to, she went in. Now I've been waiting here for over an hour.

Once the waiting started to send waves of suffocation through my veins I decided to force my way in.