14 Years [GNR/Mötley Crüe]

28. Dazed And Confused

Nadia:

If someone asked me when I was 16, where do I see myself in 10 years? I would say, in the house I owned, a job that paid me well and that I was happy about, free of the ghosts of my past, a boyfriend and a dog. That's what I envisioned.

But here I was unemployed, broke, homeless too, and dumped by my boyfriend. I went to Law school at Cornell, aced it, started at a firm, and did the same mistake many idiots make, I fell head over heels for my boss, it was all sunshine and rainbows until he decided he didn't like me anymore and he didn't want his ex to work with him, so he kicked me out of his apartment as well as his office.

That led to me doing 'certain' things I am not proud of, which made dad decide it wasn't 'safe' for him to leave me on my own and brought me out on the road with him and his band. I have been living in hotels and tour buses and airports for about five months now.

When the 1980s started I had high hopes, but the fucked up decade began with John Bonham's death and Led Zeppelin breaking up. I was in bed for an entire week.

Here I was 26 whining about how life has been mean to poor little me. Fucking pathetic.

I sat further back in the bus, away from Tommy and Nikki. Because if I sit with them all that happens is them forcing me to speak. It was always a 'dude you used to talk so much. Stop being silent. Talk about something. I am bored' or 'Come on let's talk shit about her, she isn't gonna respond anyway.' Well it was true I wasn't gonna respond, I couldn't give two shits at this point if Nikki Sixx didn't like me.

I sat on my seat further back, leaning my head against the window. The sun was blazing hot and I could feel its heat on the window while my head pressed against it.

I felt someone take a seat beside me, all I could see through the corner of my eyes were some blonde tresses.

"Hey, Barbie." I sighed

"Hey, Vermin." He replied as he leaned back against the seat stretching his legs out.

And it was silent. Was Vince here because he cared so much about me that he couldn't bear to see me sit alone looking like I had a hangover? No.

It was just because he understands from the past few months that being with Tommy and Nikki can be a pain in the ass. As much of an extrovert Vince was onstage offstage he was a nervous wreck much like me. So if he sits beside me, I wasn't going to disturb him by talking but also it wouldn't look like he was a loner and sat alone. He didn't like being alone, something I have learned in these few months on the road.

I don't hate Tommy or Nikki. I love them, they are my best friends at least Tommy is but to talk to them I needed to be charged, and I was charged when we hit the bar after a show every night. Nikki and I used to be great friends too until they released Theater of Pain. I don't know what happened after that, we got estranged, we still talk obviously, but it wasn't the same friendship we once had, I miss him, I miss the time when he was still Frankie.

I heard Dazed and Confused by Zeppelin suddenly start playing on the radio. It's nice to hear them being played on the radio though they broke up about seven years back. I still remember both the times I saw them live and this song came on, Jimmy would start using the violin bow on the guitar. Yep, that's all I can do, think about how awesome the 70s were.

"You think there will ever be another Led Zeppelin?" I asked Vince.

"Sure. When John Bonham comes out of his grave." He answered

I couldn't agree more.

I found myself nodding to JPJ's bass line as I mouthed the lyrics along with Robert.