The Sun Rays

TSR XLII: Another

== Vanessa Elora Avery Samson ==

The thought of having someone in your life that will accept you and your past is amazing. It's rare for it to happen and you are fortunate enough if it will happen to you. Not all men can accept a son or daughter that isn't theirs without telling you that you have excess baggage. Sometimes, even when they accept them their family won't. Everyone deserves to be happy and that's for sure.

I was glad I met Josh. He accepted me and Luan but situations just happen that we have to sacrifice our own happiness to protect them.

I met him for great reasons and I hope he was fine right now. My heart still hurts remembering that time he had to let me go completely. We broke up and it fucking hurts. I was just grateful that he had asked for it first and all I just have to do is to agree with the breakup. But it broke me now into a million pieces that I don't know if I will be able to fix it.

"I'll be sending you off," that's what he told me. After our short vacation in the forest, everything went smoothly. We went back to our normal us. Josh sends me to work and Luan to school then picks us up after. He became more cautious and overprotective for those days.

Josh did not fail to amaze me and how he made me feel that he will always be there for me and Luan. For those days, he doesn't go home. He accompanies me and Luan to my home.

It does feel safe when I was in his arms.

Until he went home after three days it became so unclear for both of us. He never texted me even when I message him almost every hour to check if he was okay. I called him and he barely pick his phone up until I only have a day to stay before going back to the States to fix some documents.

He was cold and it hit me hard.

Implanting in my head that it should be the best because I was already planning the breakup, I just don't know how to tell him and when to tell him.

He sent me, Luan, and my nanny Jenny to the airport. He was off. He doesn't talk and the silence became the most uncomfortable silence between us again when it used to be our solace, our serenity.

He talks to Luan a lot that day. He carried him and walk with him to the stores inside the airport. While I was just staring at them. Luan went to the comfort room but wanting to go alone so his nanny went with him.

We were sitting side by side. My heart is aching inside. I can feel something is coming it's just not registering in my head at the moment.

When it's almost time to depart, he stood up and we made our last walk together. Before he said, "Vanessa," he called me by the name he doesn't even call me.

"I'm sorry," I heard him and my insides began twisting and it's painful. "L-let's end it here," that moment my heart sunk. I remained silent and just stood there. My tears fell but he turned his back on me.

I think it's time. "Y-yeah. I think we need to call this off." It's the only thing I could already say to him. I even bravely said it. I was trying hard enough to not let my voice break at the moment.

Josh started to completely walk away from him and not turn his back. My tears were already continuously flowing in my face. Heads down because I couldn't see him walk away from me. I wanted to stop him but I cannot. I have to endure it.