Dean sat pensively by the campfire and stared into the flames. Again and again he took a sip from his bottle.
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The question of whether he could ever lead a normal life still occupied him. Whether he would have children someday and if they would also become hunters someday. He would at least give them the childhood he never had. If they wanted to decide later, he would not stop them, but never would he force them to grow up with this horror.
With his eyes closed, he was reminiscing about his childhood when he suddenly felt ice-cold hands on the back of his neck, making their way under his collar.
"Oh my God, you're so nice and warm," Josie enthused, sliding her hands forward onto his chest.
The fire had clearly warmed him up and her icy fingers were like a shock to him.
"Are you cold?", he pressed, tilting his head back to see the woman behind him.
All thoughts of the future were forgotten and all that mattered to him was the moment. Josie released him from the coldness of her hands and stroked his stretched neck with her fingertips. Unconsciously he closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle touch. He gratefully accepted all the tenderness she offered him, and if she only casually grazed his arm. You could tell he wanted more of it and if he were a cat, he would have purred as loud as he could.
"It's not really warm, but as I see the fire works quite well to keep you warm", she said, and Dean's eyes snapped open.
"We two can warm you up, though", he smirked, holding up the whiskey bottle with a grin that had definitely lifted his spirits.
"Uhm, I thought you'd say that", she replied, amused, reaching for the bottle.
She sat down next to him on the ground and he put his arm around her shoulders. Relaxed, she leaned against him and gulped down the sharply burning brew. A satisfied smile showed on Dean's lips, which he hid in her dark curls.
"You seemed so lost in thoughts just now. What was going through your mind?", Josie wanted to know curiously, handing him back the bottle after taking a few sips.
"How things are going to go", he murmured into her hair, not even thinking about lying to her, "I've been going over Cliff's life again."
"And to what conclusion did you come to?"
"None, your ice fingers distracted me".
"My apologies", she grinned and tried to find the hem of his shirt to warm herself again shamelessly, however that wasn't so easy with the countless layers.
"Hey, if you're going to feel me up, you're gonna have to let me too!", smirked Dean, doing the same to her.
She hesitated for a moment, looking him in the eye as if checking to see if he meant it. And Dean was damn serious, that much she knew.
"You're drunk", she noted.
"Yeah?!", admitted Dean with a laugh, looking at her questioningly, "Now what does that have to do with this?"
"Alright, but don't get carried away!", she purred, slightly tipsy, and unflinchingly tucked her hand under his shirt.
"Woa, wait what?", the hunter bristled, a bit caught off guard, "Did you really just give me the green light for 'stage one'?"
"You just can't help yourself, can you? You always have to ruin everything with your bluntness, don't you?", the brunette sighed but couldn't help smiling.
Rolling her eyes, she slid closer, but suddenly he pulled her over to him to have her sit sideways between his legs. Surprised, she looked into his eyes, which no longer seemed happy but rather worried.
"What's wrong?", she inquired uncertainly, wondering if she might have said something wrong.
Carefully, she touched his cheek and stroked the rough stubble soothingly. His reaction to her 'just hunting companion' back at Cliff's did not go unnoticed, she could tell it hurt him, but she had no idea how much.
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"Nothing", he breathed, wrapping his arms tightly around her and speaking barely audibly, "I don't always want to screw it up."
"I know that Dean!", she reassured him, leaning against his shoulder.
"I want to do it right this time!", he sighed.
"What's the matter with you? Are you getting sentimental spurts from the alcohol now?", Josie teased him, casually playing with his bracelet.
His look seemed serious, but there was something vulnerable about it. The words were already on the tip of his tongue, but it took too much effort for him to say them. Whenever he was close to someone, he got hurt. Whether it was their intention or not, but it always ended the same way. He blamed himself for it and just decided not to let it get that far again. But then Josie came along and as much as he tried to stand his ground, she swept him off his feet.
"I think, I... I love you", he blurted out uncontrolled and squeezed his eyes shut as if afraid of what would follow.
He hoped if he said it quickly, maybe she would overhear it and if need be, he could talk his way out of it somehow. But Josie heard every word.
"Oh, I love you too, Dean", she replied, stroking his cheek lovingly.
"No, I don't mean in that companion way. It's gone way beyond that", he confessed, keeping his eyes closed, not daring to look into her face and possibly see horror or anything like that.
"I know I'm not blind, Dean. Your comments may be inappropriate at times, but I've noticed the way you've been saying them lately, you can hear a spark of truth in it. And I'm sorry every time to have to disappoint you and reject your overtures. But I've been honest with you from the start. I'm not ready. I was with Andy for ten years, we were engaged and had planned to have a family. It's not that easy to leave all that behind and start over. I'll be lucky if I don't start crying at the thought of him", she spoke sympathetically, interlacing her fingers with Dean's, "I owe it to Andy, I'm sure you'd want to be remembered properly too, wouldn't you?"
Wordlessly Dean stared at his hands, inwardly cursing at Andy, but she was right. He'd probably come back as an angry ghost if he found out some scalawag had claimed his beloved.
"When this is all over and I've avenged my fiancé... then I can think about us", she promised the hunter, without telling him that from time to time she was already thinking whether it was possible to build something with the Winchester, as she had with Andy.
