"Yes Josie, I have! Every decision I make, I think of you and my brother. I want to kill those sons of bitches before they kill you!"
"But have you ever thought maybe we want the same thing for you? You think I want one of those bastards to get you? Damn it, Dean stop being so selfish!", she yelled.
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"I'm not selfish, that's why I do all of this!", he defended himself just as loudly.
"No, you just want to die before us, so you don't have to suffer the pain we'd feel when you die. That's selfish, you're just telling yourself that it would be heroic to sacrifice yourself for the greater good, but in doing so you're hurting the people who love you!", she cried in anger and despair.
With clouded vision, she trudged back to the car, sobbing quietly to herself, while Dean remained rooted to the spot, looking stunned at the huntress. Deep down, he always knew it was just as Josie said, but the framework of lies he had built for himself was completely collapsing.
Abruptly he ran after Josie, calling her name over and over, but she started running herself, only when she slipped on an oily piece of a car and fell down, was he able to catch up with her.
"Josie," he worried, kneeling down beside her, "did you hurt yourself?"
"Can't you care, like you usually don't care about us!", she snarled in a huff, reaching for a piece of tin that cut open her pants, but luckily only grazed her calf.
"Okay, yeah you're right, I'm a selfish douchebag and I want to fucking die before you do, but it wouldn't matter because if one of you goes, that's it for me, I just can't stand to lose anyone else. I lost mom and dad sacrificed himself for me, it's the least I can do for Sammy, even though I know he couldn't forgive me or himself for it, but he, unlike me, is strong enough to go on living without his brother and I know you can too. Andy's dead, but it went on for you and it will when I'm gone," Dean explained himself more calmly again.
"But that's not why you have to keep challenging death. Rudy could have just as easily taken that thing. Then he could have risked his life."
"I don't think Cain would have given him that mark, let alone told him how to kill a damn knight of hell"
Carefully he helped her up on her feet and supported her some more until she caught herself. But instead of going any further, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his jacket collar.
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"I lost Andy, I don't want them to take you away from me too," she sniffled, and Dean fought back tears himself.
Her words were an admission of her love, even if they weren't directly worded that way. Dean knew how she meant it and realized in that moment that he had made the biggest mistake he could have made. Instead of doing like Cliff, and start a family with the woman he loved, he now had this thing on his arm, that would most likely kill him. And then his soul would fall right into Cain's hands. Even if Josie's soul also ended up in hell, they would never see each other again.
For minutes they just stood there holding each other. Josie just wouldn't let go, even when Dean made an attempt to leave, she just wrapped her arms around him tighter. She saw it as the only chance to keep him alive, because once he went into battle, there was no turning back, and maybe it was the last time she would be able to hug him. She even considered kissing him, but then it would really feel like a goodbye and she didn't want that. As long as his heart was beating, she wouldn't say goodbye, no matter what predicament they were in.
"We should get back now, Sam and the others need us," Dean urged softly, and Josie nodded in agreement.
Gently, he took her face in both hands and leaned his forehead against hers.
"We'll get through this crap, and afterwards you're welcome to spank my ass for what I did," he comforted her and she actually had to laugh briefly.
"50 Shades of Grey is nothing compared to this, I hope we have whips in the bunker," she croaked with a smile.
"I'll buy you one if you want," he promised.
"Jerk," she muttered affectionately.
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"Bitch," he replied intuitively, then frowned, "That was ... weird."
Shaking his head, he let go of her and leisurely started moving.
