Always Okay | (Adopted By Elizabeth Olsen)

Chapter 5

*TW: Panic attacks*

Word Count: 4397

Alexis's POV

"It's okay, you can sleep, I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere," Lizzie whispered before turning off the lights. I nodded my head a little before falling into a peaceful sleep.

When I awoke the first thing I looked for was Lizzie, I quietly lifted my head just enough to see her sitting right beside my bed working away on her computer. I don't think she noticed that I was awake yet, the room was still pretty dark but I could see her face illuminated by the computer light. A small smile tugged at my lips before I was reminded of my past and why I was here in the first place. I suppressed the rising smile and settled for a blank one instead. I watched her for a few minutes working on her computer, her eyes flicking back and forth across the screen as her fingers meticulously taped across the keys. I've never used a computer before in my life, but I've read enough about them to picture what the screen looks like. Josh used to have one at the house, but I wasn't allowed to touch it. That was one lesson that I learned the hard way. A swift kick to the stomach and a few hard slaps across the cheek definitely did the trick. But as Josh always told me - it's better to learn things the hard way, they tend to stick with you more.

Eventually, she looked back up to survey the room and I put my head back down to try to hide my embarrassment and fear from watching her. Josh always hated it when I watched him. I was just curious and I wanted him to like me because I guess I thought he'd be kinder to me if he liked me more. Looking back now, that seems like some messed-up train of thought because Josh May never truly cared about anyone. My mind drifted between all the picturesque memories of us together and all the terrifyingly haunting ones. They muddled and mashed together creating this sense of two personalities. One day he was my Josh, my dad, and then there was this monster, this hellish beast.

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts as I heard Lizzie shut her computer screen. "Hey, Alexis I heard they might be kicking you out of here later today," the officer chuckled walking into the room and flicking on the lights. I squinted at the bright lights and gave her a slight nod to let her know I was listening. It was always the same lady who came to see me, they never sent anyone else. I was okay with that though, I like this officer. I think I vaguely remember her being the one who carried me out of that basement.

I searched her face waiting for her to tell me what she really came in here for. "Well, I'll get straight to the point. I wanted to let you know that Josh has a pre-trial date set four weeks from tomorrow. So far he has pleaded not guilty on every account. He is currently still in the hospital but after, he will be transferred directly to a cell when he gets out. We don't believe that he will be able to post bail, so no need to worry about that. I want you to know that no matter what happens, we are all here to keep you safe. All the officers, the nurses, the doctors, your mom," Officer explained motioning with her hands to point out how many people were supposedly there for me. Hearing her call Lizzie my mom, made me feel weird. There was once a point in time where I was one hundred percent sure that Lizzie was my mom and going to be my mom forever but right now I wasn't so sure. Right now those words just felt wrong, like she didn't deserve that title.

I nodded along as the officer continued to reiterate how everyone was here to help me. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore so I spoke up, "Can I see him?" I asked hesitantly fiddling with my thumbs as to avoid eye contact. I had been thinking about this for quite a while now and I wasn't exactly sure why but I knew I needed to see him in person. I need to see the damage my hands had done and if he was truly alive because if I ever got that same chance again, I didn't want to make the same mistake again. I needed him to see the damage he had done to me, to his little Allie May, but most of all I wanted him to know that I would never be his again. Well I think it was that I needed to know I wouldn't be his again.