Always Okay | (Adopted By Elizabeth Olsen)

Chapter 52

Word Count: 3014

Alexis's POV

Tonight is Lizzie's big night, it's the premiere of the Avengers movie, which is very exciting or nerve-wracking? I'm not so sure, she seems to be teetering between the two all day. I was sitting on the couch while Clay was doing her hair and a bunch of people was roaming around our apartment. It felt kind of claustrophobic with the number of people here, but as long as I was close to Lizzie I felt kind of okay. Lizzie and Clay were chatting off in their own world and I was watching everyone from a distance, like always.

The longer this press tour continued the more I realized how much of a hiccup I was to their system. Everyone has their job, they special press rituals, and I, on the other hand, am the liability. Someone always has to stop their job and help me. Take me to get lunch, take me to get dinner, take me back to the room, watch me during this interview or this outing - better known as Marla's mean assistant called it the baby job.

The hardest part of this is trying to be okay on my own. I mean I'm not really on my own but I don't share the same kinship with Lizzie's team as I do with her or she does with them. They're all very new to me and it's hard to wrap my head around this. I don't feel at ease or as safe with them as I do with Lizzie. I know Lizzie loves her job, every time she talks about it her face lights up, with a huge grin. I don't wanna take that away from her. I feel like I've already made her sacrifice so much of her regular life just by having me be hers. She broke up with Boyd, moved across the country, and stopped talking to her parents, but I guess that was more of their fault than mine. I just feel like I'm becoming more and more of a burden because I know she won't send me away but that means she has to put up with me forever.

So here I am trying my best to stay out of everyone's way as I quietly sit on the couch partially reading my book and partially people watching those around me. I would much rather it be Lizzie and I having a quiet night with movies and a home-cooked meal but she doesn't have time for that, she barely has time for me when she's working. 

I rarely see her now except at occasional meals and bedtime, but I'm usually 'asleep' when she comes back. I know she's not trying to leave me out or anything but recently she's missed out on a lot of firsts. Charlie took me sightseeing in Europe and Lizzie was supposed to be there with us when we watched the sunset from the Eiffel Tower but she got called into a last-minute interview.

I had fun but I wish I had sunset pictures with Lizzie rather than just the ones Charlie had me take. I don't really like pictures of just me because it reminds me of Josh but when I have to take them with Lizzie or Aunt Mary-Kate, I feel more at ease. All of my pictures that Josh took I'm alone in them, and now that I'm free, I'm still alone. It sometimes makes me wonder how much of it was worth the pain if all I am is lonely. What does freedom mean when you're still sad?

A perfect example of this is when we were going to dinner. Charlie had been spending most of her time with me and while that's nice, I just don't feel very safe or comfortable with Lizzie's management team.

We were in London and Charlie told me that Lizzie was going to join us for lunch and that I could take her to the ice cream shop after. I was so excited, I got my school work done early, I even attended my therapy session that day, but I should've expected disappointment. We went to a local restaurant that Lizzie had put on her try list and waited for about an hour. Charlie stayed with me talking here and there but nothing significant, she was mainly focused on her phone. I just nodded along as my mind drifted in search of Lizzie.

"Charlie?" I interrupted getting antsy about her lack of arrival, "is Lizzie coming to lunch?" I ask twirling my pasta on my fork.

"They're running late," Charlie dismissed me as she continued to focus on whatever was happening on her phone.