Always Okay | (Adopted By Elizabeth Olsen)

Chapter 7

Word Count: 4971

Alexis's POV:

Everywhere I looked in this house, I saw him. His sea-blue eyes always had devilish hues and deception. The smug smirk he wore every morning when he came to wake me up. The warm hugs he gave me when he was proud. The special cupcakes we used to make every year for my birthday. His soft reading voice and harsh screams echoed in my mind as I tried my best to keep it together. He would always be there in my head, in the scars that littered my body, and in the large scar on my arm. His memory seared into my mind like a cattle brand.

I squeezed my eyes shut to keep them from wandering off as I stood at the top of the basement steps trying to take breaths and control my breathing. I could feel my shoulders shake slightly with every shaky breath I let out but I didn't open my eyes. I took a few more deep breaths before opening my eyes pulling Lizzie down the steps after me. I needed to get one last thing, the one thing that he never knew about. If I wanted him to be put away for good, then I knew I'd need it. But I didn't really know if I wanted him to go away for good and leave me behind.

Once we made it to the bottom of the stairs, memories of my last night instantly bombarded my mind. I watched myself struggle against his weight as he spat in my face. I heard my own screams and cries echo in my head as he taunted me. I watched as his hands left bruises that still marked my pale skin today. I watched and all I think about was how helpless I felt.

"Alexis," Lizzie whispered trying to pull me back into reality, except my reality and nightmares have started to become more like each other. "It's okay to feel whatever it is you're feeling, we can take as long as you need," she whispered giving my hand a gentle squeeze. It was only then that I realized that I was still holding her hand, but she didn't seem disappointed or uncomfortable with it.

"I-I just need a minute," I shakily answered. I don't want to talk about this. I didn't want this feeling anymore. I was so sick of feeling like every day I was walking on ice just waiting for that one word, that one thought, or memory to pull the rug out from under me and send me falling down a dark abyss.

"Okay, do you want to sit down?" Lizzie asked motioning to the stairs behind us. I nodded and took a seat pulling her down next to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to block out the memories from that night and bring back the happy ones, the good ones, but this basement didn't hold any of those. Everything good happened above ground far away from this dirty basement. I could feel Lizzie's thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand. It wasn't much but it was enough to steady me, to keep me grounded, and let me know she was still there, even if I couldn't see her.

When I opened my eyes again, I surveyed the room once again. My heartbeat was no longer pounding in my ears and my eyes were no longer leaking, because I just felt numb. Like everything that connected me to this room, to this place was canceling each other out. I looked over to my left and saw Lizzie's concerned eyes watching me with her eyebrows furrowed as if trying to come up with something to say. But there was nothing left to say that could take this feeling away or could make these memories go away.

I let go of her hand and got up off the steps as I walked towards my bed to get the one thing that I came down here for. As I passed by the red tile floor, I had to quickly look away. I knew what that mark was from and I didn't want to look at the stain it left behind. It seemed like no amount of bleach would wash that mark away, just like no amount of time would shake these memories from my mind.

I pulled the thin sheets off my bed and moved the mattress to the side to pull out my notebook. It wasn't anything special, but it was one of the few things that always felt like mine. The same purple pen sat in the spiral wiring just as I had left it. I flipped open the first page to see my name where I had neatly written "Alexis Chase Olsen." Josh had renamed me Allie May, so all of my important papers had that name, but this was the one thing that had my real name. The only name that I ever wanted after my mom died. I knew if he ever saw this it wouldn't matter what my name was, I'd be buried somewhere in the woods or tossed in the ocean.