The Bully's Diary [IN EDITING AS OF JAN2015]

The Bully's Diary 25 - Depression

Hey guys!! So, part 25 and hopefully this will be fairly long.. anyways enjoy!!<3x

Every day I dressed like I was going to a funeral; most days I thought I was. My eyes were lined with black all the time, thick eyeliner and clumpy mascara. My clothes were all black apart from silver studs and silver necklaces that felt like they were choking me.. My parents didn't question it, even though I saw a few worried glances that were casted my way. Nobody really said much to me at school, they mostly just left me to my troubled thoughts, but it didn't stop them from whispering about me behind my back. I wasn't going to pretend that they didn't, because they did. And nobody was going to stand up for me.

It was lunchtime; I was walking through the cafeteria to my usual lonely spot with my tray of food. Well, I say food, but all that was on it was a carton of milk and a cookie. Call me childish, but cookies are great. I walked painfully past Matt and Adrianna's table. It looked like she'd taken my place. She was even sitting where I usually would with even Monica chatting to her excitedly. No-one seemed to care that I still existed. Jessica was the only one who threw me a guilty glance, almost sympathetic, but then she turned back to the group.

Suddenly I was falling down after a foot had tripped me, and my tray went flying. Even worse, the milk carton exploded and splattered all over me too. My cookie crumbled into pieces on the ground, and I was left sitting there as the whole room laughed at me. Carolina, used to be the most popular girl in the school, now she's on the ground, a failure. I felt like crying, and looked up at the ridiculing faces above me. Adrianna had tripped me! And even worse- I didn't have the energy to fight back. If I was the old Carolina, I would have hollered at them, swung a few hits, or started a fight. But now? No. Goth girl's moved in.

Adrianna grabbed Matt's arm and cackled like a witch, and I was reminded of the time I'd done this to her.

The thing that really hurt the most- and I mean really, really stung- was that this time, Matt laughed along with them.

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I flung myself onto my bed and sobbed into my pillow, clutching my teddy bear Pinkles. As crazy as it sounds, the fluffy pink bear had always made me feel better in the past, and it still does. My daddy bought her for my seventh birthday, and since she was so pink and fluffy as a cloud, I named her Pinkles. What? I was a kid, okay?

I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth with Pinkles still clutched in my hands as tears ran freely down my face, leaving trails of black. I couldn't believe it. When I'd tripped Adrianna, Matt had been disgusted- and now that the situation's been reversed, suddenly it's hilarious? I felt so betrayed.. But then I remembered. What does he care? He doesn't remember me at all.

So, after that little event, I'd retreated from the cafeteria and came home. I didn't care about ditching school anymore, actually, I don't think I ever did care. Nobody bothered to run after me or see if I was okay. Everyone just laughed, then returned to whatever it was they were doing before I got humiliated. In-front of practically the whole school.

I groaned in frustration and decided to go on my laptop, listen to some music to cheer me up, maybe. But somehow Marina's lyrics couldn't calm me this time. I logged onto Facebook and saw that I'd been spammed with messages, most of them from people I didn't even know that had seen me fall.

You idiot, when you fell your expression was PRICELESS!

OMG it was hilarious when you fell over, you're such a stupid skank!

Pfffttttt omg your face when you fell over!!! OMG

I got you falling over on tape, YOUTUBEEEE!!

HAHAHA it would've been even funnier if you tripped on your way out, omg, it's all over YouTube!!

I broke down into tears. I felt so embarrassed! Great. Now it was going to be all over YouTube! I couldn't bring myself to read anymore, and logged out of Facebook, throwing the laptop lightly away from me. I would've thrown it away in fury, but I just didn't have the energy. I dug out a big chocolate bar out from under my bed and started to eat it for comfort. I knew what I was doing, and I didn't care; just needed a distraction.. For a while, at least.

My back was hurting like hell from the fall, so I lay down in my bed and covered myself in the warm sheets. Closing my eyes, I tried to think "happy thoughts", but all that came were thoughts of depression and sheer embarrassment.. How could she do that to me? Suddenly I had an idea. Maybe I could try and call David? Surely he'd talk to me and have a little bit of sympathy? I dialled his number on my cell phone and waited for him to answer.

"Carolina, didn't you get the message about me not wanting to talk to you before?" He said in an annoyed tone.

"David, I just need someone right now. I need someone to talk to." I almost whispered.

"Well, I'm not the one that's gonna listen." He answered coldly.

"Please, don't do this.. I have nobody left!" I cried.

"You're right." He replied.

"Huh?" I asked. Had he finally changed his mind?

"You do have nobody left." He said, and hung up on me.

I flung my cell phone down on the bedside table and cried for what must've been the fifth time today.

I really was all alone.

Could things get any worse?

Hey guys!! So, that's part 25 done and I'm so sorry it's short but that's because in my plan the next event has to be in part 26 and so yeah this one's just.. yeah. Anyway I hope you liked it and..<3x

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