NARIAH RIYE VELNIROÑIA
Bigla na lamang akong napaupo sa aking kinahihigaan. Hinihingal at pinagpapawisan sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.
Tumingin ako sa aking paligid at napansin kong bumalik na ulit ako sa sarili kong kwarto.
Bumalik ulit ako sa aking pagkakahiga at tumitig sa itim na kisame. Ang dami kong nalaman ngayon. Hindi na yata kayang iproseso ng utak ko ang lahat ng mga katotohanang nabunyag.
Should I blame myself now? Kasalanan ko na ang lahat bago pa man ako ipinanganak sa mundong ito. Is my existence a sin?
What if I get myself killed? Or should I kill myself so that I can totally erase my own existence. If my existence is gone, then there is no war anymore. Wala ng mamamatay ulit. Babalik na sa dati ang lahat.
Iwinaksi ko nalang sa aking isipan ang aking mga pinag-iisip. Wala narin naman akong magagawa kundi ang bigyan ng wakas ang sinimulan ng aking mga magulang.
Tumayo ako mula sa aking kinauupuan at lumapit sa bintanang katabi lamang ng aking kama. Binuksan ko ito at tinanaw ang magandang tanawin.
"The first time I held you in my arms, is where I realized that I wanted to protect you for the rest of my life. That my love for you as a father is unconditional." Napapikit ako ng kusa ko nalang narinig ang kaniyang boses sa aking isipan.
"Am I worthy?" Naalala kong itinanong ko sa kaniya ang bagay na ito.
"You're worthy of being loved, my little one. I know that because I am your father. You're mother also loves you like the way I do."
Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata at tumitig sa kawalan.
"It's still not my time..." bulong ko sa hangin saka ko napagdesisyonang lumabas ng bahay.
Nagulat ako nang makita ko si Raiko na nakatungo at mukhang malalim ang iniisip. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung pupuntahan ko ba siya o hahayaan na lamang siya.
I sighed. I decided to approach him.
Nang makaupo na ako sa tabi niya ay napalingon siya sa akin at bahagya pang nanlaki ang mga mata.
"R-Riye?" His eyes widened.
Nagtatakang tumango ako. "Yes, it's me."
He smile a little, "I thought you were sleeping."
I nodded. "Kakagising ko lang." He looked at me. "Are you okay? You look pale. You know that you can rely on me right? You can tell me what's bothering you, I will listen." He softly said.
But Raiko, I am not the type of person to rely on someone and seek help. It's not my thing. I thought that if I told someone my problems, it would only bother them. I'd rather keep it to myself than bother others with my problems, because even if I am able to open up to someone, I will only regret it sooner. That's the kind of person I am.
Not everyone who says that they are willing to help will really help someone. They're only saying it because that's the only thing they know on how to comfort someone.
Humawak ako sa kaniyang damit at matamlay na ngumiti. "Can I trust your words?"
Mukhang nagulat naman siya sa tanong ko pero kalaunan ay ngumiti siya sa akin at tumango. "Yes, you can trust my words."
Yes.. I can trust your words but I can't trust your actions. They only betray me and left me with scars and pain.
"I'm sorry..." Napatingin ako sa kaniya nang banggitin niya ang mga salitang yon. Why is he saying sorry to me? May ginawa ba siya?
"Sorry for what?" I confusedly asked.
"I'm sorry for leaving you alone that time. I'm sorry for not saying anything... I know I caused you too much pain. I even made you question yourself. I'm sorry for being selfish, Riye. I'm very sorry for that." He sincerely apologized.
Natulala ako sa narinig. I lowered my head and silently pleading my tears not to come out.
I don't want to cry. I don't want to look weak. That's why I will not cry in front of him. I know crying will make me feel at ease, but I already cried countless times in front of him. He always witness my weak sides; he's always there.
Nagulat ako ng maingat niyang isinandal ang aking ulo sa kaniyang balikat. Nararamdaman ko ang init ng katawan niya.
"Nariah, you've always been strong. Isn't it your time to rest, even if it's just for one day? Stop carrying the burden you're not even obligated to do. Stop making yourself look strong. You did well, okay? Stop blaming yourself for everything. Don't even dare blame your own existence, because you are here with a purpose. Your existence is something to be proud of. You are alive now because you still didn't fulfill everything you needed to."
"The world may be cruel to you, but not me."
I let out a silent cry. How could this man be so perfect. I am the one who should be saying things like this to him.
"W-why are you saying things like this to me?"
He fixed my hair. "Because you needed it. Just because you didn't ask for help doesn't mean that I will not bother to help you. I want to comfort you because it is natural for me to do so."
Why are you like this, Raiko? Why do you have to be so kind to me?
Umayos ako ng upo at tumitig sa kaniyang mga mata.
"Raiko, if that day ever comes, please do not sacrifice your life for me."
"Why?" He asked.
"It's not worth it." I seriously said.
"What makes you think it's not worth it? Every life and existence is worth it, Nariah."
No, it's not. How can a life be worth it if it is full of pain and suffering? Even the world is too unfair to me. How will it be worth it? Will anyone will remember me if I die?
"I don't understand you, Raiko. Why are you saying comforting words when you are also breaking inside? You're unfair, Raiko. You always witnessed me breaking but I only saw you breaking once."
"I don't mind breaking myself if it's for you."
Damn you.
BINABASA MO ANG
The Unknown Rebels
Fantasy[CLANNERS 03] It's been years since the disappearance of Raiko, the Captain of Origin Clanners. It's also been years since the war ended. The Sinners finally rest in peace but how about the members of Origin Clanners? "I never imagined things would...
