Alan Rickman Character Imagines

Metatron

TW self harm suicide attempts.

Sitting alone in your living room with the lights low was a normal night for you.  T.V shows didn’t hold your attention and reading was impossible.  Being an immortal you were alive when most books were written which meant there were very little you haven’t read. It was lonely, you hated every moment of your immortal life.  

At first life was full of so many new things, new experiences, but things can only be new for so long.  Experiencing everything alone made everything a lot less memorable.  Every memory just blurred into one, nothing was ever special when you did everything alone. You always felt so alone, so useless, so…Dirty.  

You were made by Satan, not born, made.  You were made to be this evil presence that wandered the Earth for all eternity.  But you couldn’t, you weren’t evil, you had a big heart.  You hated to see people sad or in pain, but everywhere you went it seemed like disaster followed.  You didn’t want it to, you didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt but you couldn’t stop it.  You realized the best way to stop bad things from happening was to stop going out.  So you stayed in the house, and never left unless it was the early hours of the morning when hardly anyone would be out. It has been so long since you've felt the sun.

After a couple centuries you met someone, Ezekiel.  He made you feel alive for the first time in your life, you didn’t feel like an outcast.  He just showed up in your life one day and you two just fell for each other.  It was the early years, back in Rome.  You were so in love, you and Ezekiel had plans to get married and have children together.  However your plans were short lived, Ezekiel had passed away suddenly.  No one knew how and everyone expected you.  You were forced to flee the city. Heartbroken and alone once again you didn’t know how to go on.  You believed in God, being made by Satan you knew he was real and that you were supposed to hate him, but you couldn’t.  He gave you hope, the hope that maybe one day he’d save you from this immortal life that you were thrown into, but he hadn’t and now it was too much to bear.  So you did something that you always thought was disgusting, unthinkable and cruel

You found yourself alone in the middle of the night.  It was cold and there wasn’t a city in sight.  Your heart ached more than your feet, you were hungry and tired. The only thing you had with you was a note from Ezekiel and a knife that belonged to him.  You stopped in the middle on the sand and with the knife that belonged to the love of your life and with it you ended your life.  You found yourself at heaven's gate.  Hope filled you, maybe this could be the end of this sad life you’d been thrown into, but you were wrong. You had taken your own life which was a sin, and you were a product of Satan so they wouldn’t let you in.  You were cast away down to Hell, but Satan wouldn’t take you either.  You had failed him, you hadn’t become at all what he wanted you to be so he cast you out as well.  You woke up in the sand again, healed as if nothing had happened.  You were forced to continue your life, even though all you wanted to do was die.

Years past and every now and then you would see Ezekiel, hear his voice.  You convinced yourself he was your guardian angel, until one day you knew for sure when you were able to touch his face and feel his breath on your hand.

You had gone into a deep depression lately and nothing made it better.  You couldn’t leave the house to get help, you spent night after night finding new ways to kill yourself just for entertainment.  Everytime you just woke up unharmed in your home anyway.  You tried guns, knives and nooses.  You’ve thrown yourself off your roof, the stairs and out windows. All out of boredom.

Ezekiel watched in horror.  He had gone to Earth many times in his angel form to see you.  At first you thought you were hallucinating until you realized you could touch him.  He was really there. You spent many nights holding each other as he begged you to stop hurting yourself.  You explained to him so many times that you were so numb and this was the only way you could feel anything.  After centuries Ezekiel was promoted to Metatron, the voice of God and once this happened God started to pay more attention to who he visited.  Once God caught on to what Ezekiel was doing every time he had an assignment on Earth he refused to allow him to visit you.  But he always watched you and his heart broke every night as he watched you harm yourself. Especially now that it was the early 2000s and there were many more ways for you to do so.