Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (42)

People are losing their identity towards me. Some people are becoming the kid I went to school with, the neighbor, the son of my mom's friend, the one I knew, the kid I once liked. People are losing their hopes towards me. They are becoming the ones who believe I'm broken and that I'll never be okay again. People are losing respect towards me. They are becoming careless which I can't really protest against, can I? So, people are not people anymore. I mean, not my people after all. But, at this point, that's actually okay by me. I don't really judge them for that and I understand their position. If I were them I would probably do the same. That's exactly what I am trying to do here. I'm trying to become a stranger, a hopeless and non-respectful person towards you. So non of us gets hurt. Even more hurt, I mean. But fifty and so letters later I can't even accept the fact that you left for good. This says a lot about my efforts to make it happen. I am just stupid and I don't really get away with my actions. I always fail but probably know that by now. Everything I said I would do ended up in either two ways. First, I tried and couldn't do it or second, it didn't work. Either way is shameless. I feel embarrassed by that. I now tend to accept what's happening to me and the fact that I can't change a thing. But I can't accept that painful fact: you left. And I can't do anything to bring you back.

Cathy