Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (31)

I believe something is not okay. I am tremendesly worried about you. The Rosalie I knew would never be this much time without saying anything. So you're not okay or you're actually gone. And that worries me and gives me very bad chills to the bone. What's wrong with you Rose? What happend to you? Are you really that cold or is something not right? Which one is it? Cause I can help! I want to help. I would do anything for you Rosalie! I still would. I don't know if I should but it doesn't matter cause I just need to know that you're safe. I would feel terrible if something happend to you and I couldn't do anything to avoid that, to save you. And besides that, I would die inside because I really don't want anything to happen to you, I really need you fine and well. I'll give you here the benefit of the doubt and if you're okay at least promise that you'll stay okay forever. That you won't do something stupid and reckless. That you won't get hurt or killed. That you won't change much at all. Because I don't think you are going to send me any sign or message. I'll just say this: if you don't say anything then you're okay, you're exactly like you have been. I need to think like that mostly for my health. But also for my heart, feelings, mental health... I don't want to even imagine living without you, even though that's just what I am doing right now. I just keep pretending that it's not. I feel like I am going crazy. I am pretending stuff, writing letters with no address, talking with someone whose not here... oh my God, what am I doing? Who am I becoming to? I'm scared of myself. I'm affraid I'll kill myself before I found you to say goodbye. That's right, I don't want to say goodbye, but I need to. I need any kind of closure I can get. Closure, like a goodbye. Bye Rosalie! For now...

Cathy