Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (4)

I have absolutly no idea what is wrong with me! I feel angry all the time and I just can't hang out with my friends, collegues and all the people I usually hang out with. The choir and the volleyball classes no longer bring me happiness. I feel sad cause I can't be myself and I just shut myself down the best I can so I don't talk at all. Since you both left, people started to notice that I wasn't okay. I think that now I can say that I'm okay but both of you continue hurting me because you're not here and it makes me feel alone. So, even though I can say that, I'm not. Now I'm quiet, calm, reserved and you know as well as I know that this is not my usually me but sort of a new routine. The fact that none of you are here also became a routine. You know how much I hate routines. This hurts so much that sometimes I just can't feel anything at all. Sometimes all this nightmare seems unreal cause I had you both and now you left and I'm still here. Quiet, calm, reserved but still here and beeing here is painful. Come back to me, both of you, it's an order. Please.

Cathy