Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (48)

Time is one of most things I don't have. Time is actually the only thing I don't have and I desperately need. Some people say "time is precious", others say "time is love", I just say "time is needed". Don't give me that "everybody has a twenty four hour day crap, bla bla bla" because I happen to be learning that each and every day. I just feel that I need an extra moment in my days. Somedays I might use it to sleep, other days to think about stuff or to clean my bedroom. There's so much to do in such short time. Does it matter what I am going to do? Cause at the end of the day one more thing will be done, one more thing will be accomplished! I need time to move on from you. I need time to sink in deeply pain about us so after midnight I can start an healing process to finally give you away. I need time off. It would be amazing if life was just like a volleyball game. It would help if we, our own coaches, could take time out even if it is only to breath or distract life from getting us hard. I would be so much pleased if I only had 15 seconds to exist. You know? Not to think, not to breath, not to work, not to sleep, not to chase after you, not to cry over him, not to held myself accountable for everything that's happening... just to be alive, just to exist, just to be here! How awesome would that be? Time. How much can time cost? How much do I have to give up to have a little extra time? How much? Cause I'll do it. I really really really need time. Only time.

Cathy