Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (51)

Questions have been asked. Answers have not been given. So, maybe, the wrong questions have been asked and the main point has not been reached yet. Why are we asking the wrong questions? At least, why am I asking it wrong? What is the subject I am trying to leave unspoken? What is the theme I am affraid to touch? What is the point I am scared to refer? What is the thing I am trying so hard to not think about not even ask about? What is the problem I am trying to avoid at all costs? What is the answer I don't want to get? Maybe the problem is not the question but the answer. I mean, I only get scared to ask something if I am scared of the answer to that question. So, what is the answer I am so affraid I'll get? That you won't come back? That you don't love me anymore? That you are gone, forever? I mean, that's not a good surprise is it? I already know that. And when I ignore it and push it away of my mind, I feel it instead. I either know it in my head or I feel it in my heart. Am I the one affraid to ask or are you affraid to answer? Is it me? Or is it you? Because I'm weak but I want the truth. So I'll ask for it. Are you ready to give it to me? I don't think you are. But we can still pretend I am the one affraid of this. I'll do that for you. But you need to know that I really really want the truth. All truth and nothing but the truth. Even if it hurts. So, when you are ready, only then, answer me. Answer me fully. Don't leave any little detail or question untouched. None. But get ready first. I've waited so far. I can wait a little longer.

Cathy