Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (29)

There's always two sides of everything: two sides of a story and two people to blame. I am to blame as well as you are and so I'm sorry for what I did to you or to us that escalated so bad that put us where we are now. I've been trying to make a scale just for me to quantify how much damage I have caused to us and honestly I don't know how much there was. Or a lot or a little and there's no in between. Because you left me, and from my perspective, you should have more blame for that. You promised me you wouldn't let me, what the hell happened to all that promises? Breaking promises in order to get away from whatever I was causing you, seems reasonable to you? Cause you know me and you know how much promises, big promises, little promises mean to me. You're promises and he's promises were the glue that kept my heart together and now there's so many gaps that crazily and desperately want to fund in only one big gap. My swollen chest is getting bigger and bigger. Is now becoming something alarming and I fear for my health. But I also hope for yours to be okay. I wouldn't survive if you left me again that way. I can't even use the word or think about it. It just cannot happen, you cannot leave again and leave me to die alone. I don't wanna die alone. I don't wanna die. I don't think I am done here and I genuinely try to think that we are not done yet. Are we? How do I know it? Do you? Questions, questions... beautiful simple questions, doubts, wonders. Beautiful and simple unanswered questions. Beautiful and simple...

Cathy