Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (30)

Every two steps, I take three steps behind. It seems to me like I can't do anything. I am good at nothing. There's nothing I am actually good at. Not friendships, relationships, works, sports, nor even keeping me alive and well, a thing everyone seems to do with no difficulties. I've learn that simple and easy are two very different things. Simple is the plan, multiple things are simple to do like stay alive, not talking to you, writing this letters. And then there's easy. Easy is the way we do things, if they cause or not pain and suffering, like staying alive, not talking to you or writing this letters. What did I conclude? That everything that describes my everyday-life this past months it's simple but not easy. You can get through something that is simple and easy, simple but not easy and not simple nor easy. I am glad I can say that right now things are simple even though they are not easy. But I am failing. I failed my purpose cause you never actually received any of this letters so my messages aren't really getting to you and so nothing really changes. And I think both you and I agree that things need to change. Don't you? I believe so. I believe that this situation bothers you and you want it to be different or better than it is, at least I try to believe that. I could suplicate for you to say something or give me a sign but I know that you won't really do it and so I'm gonna protect myself and avoid that type of pain. No more pain. No more suffering. No more scars. No more wounds. No more anything that's not easy. But I know that's not as simple, life made sure that I knew we are meant to suffer throughout this journey and that's the way to live a simple life and a easy life. So easy is pain and "hard" is even more pain. Okay life, I get it now. I hope I haven't caused you problems, I just wanted to understand things. You can relax now cause I finally do understand. In this life, simple is a little more difficult than the meaning of the word and easy it's way harder than what it means. So should I call it simple and easy or difficult and hard? Easy and simple sounds better. How lies sound good... better, ah!

Cathy