Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (33)

I have a question for you. If you could take back everything you ever did in your life, if you could relive your life in a whole different way would you do it? Would you choose not to know me? Should you choose it? Should I? I still need you, I still want you back, but I really think I would choose not to know you. Because this has been too hard on me! Emotionally and physically I feel low, hopeless, dizzy... I don't want to depend on someone as I depend on you. At least, as I did! I remember in a vague way the day everything fell apart. I felt the wind in my pale face and I felt that I had you both. I didn't understand then, but now I know the reason I felt the wind. It made me feel or think I had everything but I didn't. The wind came to take you from me and I realized that too late. Should I blame the wind? It hurted then and it hurts now. I just want all this pain to disappear. Please? I don't think my body can handle it any longer. It's cracking again. I'm cracking and suddenly I don't know what much I can do. I tried everything! What can I do if Emelie or Natalie cannot? I wish I could sent you these letters so you know how I feel. Because you should know. So you can, wherever you are, be a better person and not fail in the same things we did. Wherever you are, you should know how much it hurts. And, who knows, maybe reply to me so I know it too. Could you do that? But I don't know if I'm ready yet. So, wait a little bit more and then send me your side of the story. Do that.

Cathy