Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (41)

People say that we are so loud that when there's a situation where no noise is made we feel disturbed, we feel awkard, we feel out of place. Well, I am quiet now but my thoughts are really loud so i don't know why I feel so strange. My theory is that even though my thoughts are loud, my soul is empty. And so the silence, the quietness, the calm and noiseless situation makes me unconfortable. I am studying and searching for other theories because I don't really like mine. I don't want to think that I have an empty soul. But, now that I think about it, the other option would be being dead inside which also explains the silence. I hate this one even more. Maybe I'm just a mix of silence and sound, life and death, awkardness and calmness. Maybe I'm just different and there are no rules for me. Maybe I'm na exception to the rules of the universe. Or maybe I don't follow the rules. By the way, who made these rules? They make sense, they just don't aply to everybody. At least, not to me. So how can rules be made if they don't aply to everyone? Why do they make rules only to then say 'oh there are also all these exceptions to those rules'? I don't get it, but maybe it's me. Maybe I'm always the exception. Only if that was a good thing. So, maybe every other person could maintain a friendship with you, but not me. Maybe everyone else could be loved by him, but not me. Maybe people are alive inside, but not me. Scary, but may be true. 

Cathy