Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (1)

Everything seams to be falling apart. I'm okay and I'm sure you're okay too but it seams to me like everything I ever wanted is far from getting together. Since you left and he left I started to think more about the future. Cause I feel like no one can understand me as you did. And the hole he left in my heart is healing so slowly that I thought I only needed time to get better and figure everything out. But I guess I'm wrong. So, you're gone and he's gone as well and only now I can live knowing that none of you will ever return to my life. Future is all that keeps me fighting in the present. And I don't have you both to support me anymore. I'm living the present moment thinking about the future because you left. I wonder all the time if I will have you ever again. At this time, the only word that comes to my mind is 'hard'. This is hard. Hard to handle, hard to think about, hard to admit, hard to go through. I really don't think I can continue living with this pain. I do really feel like I'm living in a whole diferente world. I feel like I'm not even here. And what freaks me out is that I know that everyone is noticing that I'm not actually here. It's a little bit lonely. God only knows what the future has for me. I hope it's all good. I hope.

Cathy