Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (32)

A fun fact, maybe not thatfun, about me is that I can't process disappointment. Not when peopledisappoint me but when I disappoint people. And I feel like I have disappointedyou. And I am so sorry. Why, you ask. Well, if I hadn't, you would probablystill be here or you would have come back by now. At least this is what I feel.The way I see all this situation I put us in. And then again, I am soincredibly sorry. Another fun fact about humans is: they have a problem withsaying they're sorry. Studies say that's because they don't like to feel weak,they don't want to be the ones to break or because they are ashamed to be theones having to apologize. Well, I am not like them, but you are. In all theseletters I apologize for something. Something that I did, something that I mighthave done, something that I'll do, something I didn't do. I say how sorry I amall the time when I write to you. But you? You don't say a word, you don't showsigns you are alive and you definitely do not apologize. I don't know what yourexcuse is but at this point I don't really wanna hear it. That's okay. I wantto believe you are sorry but sometimes is one of the most difficult things todo. Sometimes it compares to breathing, talking to people, having to sleep...This constant doubt about you is painful. Not that you care. So, the last funfact about me is: I know you. At least I knew you and I don't think your oldyou is completely lost yet. So you are still there, and if you are there youknow, as well as I know, that you are a bit sorry. I know you didn't want anyof this to happen. But here's the funny part, here's a fun fact about you: younever do anything about it. You are sorry but you act like you don't care andI'll forgive you for that one because I know you but you should know that ithurts too. Last fun fact, and it's about you: you want me back. Last advice:write me back. A good advice to an awful funny fact.

Cathy