Letters for Rose {to be continued}

Dear Rose, (26)

The past always teaches. In my case, I never learn! I should be used to this and so I should just let you go and get some rest from all this pain. But do I do that? Of course not. I just sit me down and feel the pain, hardly talking and almost crying a river. Is this a clever action? Cause I don't think so. By now I should be okay with your absence. I should be great without knowing where you are or how you are. I should be good with what I have and what I haven't. In this case, you or him. It's been months since I last had you both. I should be normal by now. But I guess I can't. The fact that I can't doesn't mean I don't want to. It just means that, for some reason, I can't. I wish I knew why. I wish I could change it but lately all I do is wish for things to happen and obviously I'm not being heard. Maybe all I wish is just silly. Maybe I have a lot to learn still. Maybe I don't deserve to be heard. What a big quantity of "maybes". What about changing all this maybes to facts? I want to do something but as I said, I haven't learned yet and so everything I do is hopeless, useless. I only have to learn how to be okay with myself and how to stop thinking about all I had and all I lost. So, stay with this little thing I've learned: nothing nor anyone stays or lasts forever. Get used to it. Live with that. Learn how to live with that fact. Cause I don't know much, but that I am sure I'm right. And I want everyone to know it. Cause I don't want anyone to be like I am now. It's too sad. Spread it around. It can be too late to save me but it's not late to save others. Let's do something good. I am not okay, but I will be. In the mid time I want to help. Help as many people as I can. You should do the same. I don't know if you have been doing that but I'm saying that I believe you should do it cause I know you can. So, I want it to be written. I'll learn how to let it go and I'll help everyone I can. This is my oath.

Cathy