orphan jokes, dark humour, third year of hogwarts because that's the most unproblematic year ever, and because draco and harry looks like they're at their prime age here, whipped draco
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Harry James Potter, age 13, had suddenly adopted a horrendous and alarming sense of humour that had everyone who heard them appalled. At first, they were concerned about the teenager but eventually, they had let the issue go by saying that this was his way of coping with the things that had been happening in his life. Unfortunately, no one ever appreciated his 'jokes'.
•
The first time it happened, it was a bag of crisps.
You might be more familiar with chips if you are from the United States but in England, we use crisps.
Well, Harry was lounging in the Common Room, waiting for his two best friends to come while eating a bag of crisps as he worked on his DADA essays on offensive spells that Professor Lupin had assigned them earlier. It didn't take that long before Ron and Hermione came through the door, arguing like the married couple they were behaving. They sat down on the couch across from him with a huff. Then Ron noticed what he was munching on quietly. Like the food detector, he was.
"What you got there, mate?"
Harry didn't even blink from his parchment before answering, "A family-sized bag of crisps that I took with me from the Dursleys. They're my favourite." However, that reply got Hermione confused. "A family-sized? Harry, that's just the regular size of crisps in your hand. What do you mean by 'family-sized'?"
To which he said nonchalantly, "Hermione, everything is a family-sized bag when you're an orphan."
Ron choked while Hermione stared at her friend with aghast. "Harry–"
•
And somehow, it didn't stop there.
•
"Hey, Hermione. Why do you think the orphan was unable to play baseball?" Harry asked giddily.
Thinking nothing of it, Hermione flipped a page of her book. "I don't know. Why is that, Harry?" she asked.
"Because they can't find a home," Harry burst out laughing when Hermione shot him a look. "Get it?" he wheezed. "Because they can't find the home to get a home run?" Then he started laughing again, making the girl bury her face into her book with a groan.
"Harry..."
•
"Honestly," Harry started with a complaining tone. "I hate it when couples started fighting for the first time, they'd be telling their friends they're single as if that's something to be proud of. Like 'Oh, I'm single now. Yes. I started fighting because I'm a dumb quim that requires 24/7 attention from my lover and if I don't get enough attention, I get cranky and I'll deliberately start a fight and now we broke up.'"
"Like I get it, okay? You're a problematic foot. I don't have parents but you don't see me putting up the 'Orphan: Need Adoption' sign everywhere I go!" The Gryffindor rolled his eyes. "Honestly! Like, excuse me, yes. I need someone to hear me complain about the lack of parental figure in my life and I really need to vent. Someone please take fucking pity on me and adopt me. Thank you very much. Your adoption that I don't actually need is much appreciated. Get the fuck out."
