𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲

seventy-nine: Like I Can.

      

     AS THEY laid in bed that night, Kai was staring up at the ceiling and not listening to anything, he had zoned out at that point he didn't even hear JJ whispering his name. "Hey, pretty boy." The blond raised his hand, turning his face slowly and Kai snaps out of it.

"What?" The dark haired boy whispers. "Where's your head at?" JJ asked, staring at him with a concerned look and Kai moves to lay on his side, putting his arm over JJ's waist. "JJ... you know I love you... right?" He whispers and JJ nods, smiling softly. Kai sighed, "I'm sorry I came to the bonfire with Sterling. He offered me a ride to there and I didn't wanna walk or--" "hey, hey, hey..." JJ cups his face.

"It's okay... alright?" He said and Kai looks up into his eyes. "I just... don't want you or anyone else getting the wrong idea." The boy whispers to his blond boyfriend who just smiled softly. "I-I didn't... I know I don't have to worry. You don't have to overthink things so much, you know?" He chuckled slightly, looking down. His hands stay holding Kai's face gently.

His thumb is rubbing against Kai's cheekbone tenderly and Kai is staring at him. "I don't want things to ever change, JJ..." Kai whispered in a quiet tone and JJ glanced up, into his boyfriend's eyes and saw that look in his eyes. Like he was scared that would happen.

Whatever it was, it made Kai sad. If his mom actually died. If JJ actually left him for Kiara. If he actually just ended up back with Sterling. Would it make him happy? Would he feel incomplete? Is it just the way it's suppose to be? Him without a mother, JJ as his best friend and Sterling as his boyfriend? Are Kie and JJ more meant to be than he and JJ were? The thought hurt his heart. He knows Kiara would never do that to him.

But it still hurts to think about.

"Kai," JJ whispered breathlessly, "you're the love of my life..." His arms wrap around Kai's waist now and he's staring into his boyfriend's eyes with a look full of love. No fear. No worry. "You're the only one I want to be with... through everything. The good. The bad. That's why I always ask if you're okay. And you're clearly not. You can talk to me... you know that, right?" He whispered and Kai nods.

"Y-Yeah..." He's looking down now instead of JJ looking down. "So talk to me." JJ says, waiting and Kai sniffles. "My mom is gonna get the help she needs... But I'm scared she can't. And then there's Sterling, he's always there like a reminder of what we use to have. And it makes me feel guilty because I love you and only you... I feel like completely shutting him out but he's nice." He says and JJ just caressed his fingers through Kai's hair, sighing quietly.

"And tonight, God, that guy was a real asshole... I swear if he had his army friends hurt you, I'd kill him." He raised both hands to the side of JJ's neck, leaning in to press his forehead against the blond's. JJ laughs softly, "you're crazy..." He whispers. "For you." Kai looked up into JJ's blue eyes and felt his heart swell and JJ just chuckled at what he said.

"J, I really don't know what I would do without you... Seeing you nearly get hurt... or even close to dying, I-I get so scared because I don't want to lose you. I'd lose myself too..." He looked down and JJ sighed, hugging Kai tighter. "Imagine how I felt when you went into the sewer to look for that gun." He whispered.

"It was for John B. I'd do it for any of you." He smiled softly and JJ pulls back, looking into Kai's eyes. "Your heart's too big." He says and the dark haired boy smiles more. "So is yours... that's why I love you." He whispers before leaning in and kissing JJ.

The boy kissed back, his hold getting tighter again before Kai pulls back. "And what about you? Are you okay?" He whispers and JJ quickly nods. "Yeah... sorry I was acting weird earlier at the bonfire. J-Just brought back old feelings seeing you with Sterling..." He says and Kai's eyebrows furrow together.

"Old feelings?"

His tone is full of confusion because he doesn't quiet understand what JJ meant and the blond boy nods as he glanced up. "Yeah... like, you know, knowing... he had kissed you first, held hands with you first and... you know, slept with you first..." He looked down and grabbed Kai's hand, softly rubbing his thumb against the back of it. "But he'll never love you like I can." He raised the hand to his lips.

He pressed his puckered lips against the side of Kai's hand as the dark haired boy grins widely. "Did you just quote a song from my playlist?" He asked and JJ grins against his hand. "Yeah..." He chuckled. Like I Can by Sam Smith was on Kai's playlist. The name of the playlist, of course, was "j + k <3" and filled with songs that reminded him of JJ and their love. You Get Me So High by The Neighbourhood, Heat Waves by Glass Animals, To Be So Lonely by Harry Styles. All those cheesy little songs Kai would listen to and think of JJ immediately.

"Don't blame me for falling. I was just a little boy." JJ quoted another song and Kai just smiled softly, turning his face away. "Kai... can we..." JJ trailed off as he leaned closer, kissing his boyfriend's neck gently. Kai just smiled softly, tilting his head further to the side before pulling back from JJ. "Okay... but we have to be quiet." He whispers to the blond.

"I love you," JJ whispered as he leans in closer to his boyfriend's face now. Kai chuckled softly, "I love you too." He says back in a quiet tone before the blond got up to hover over him, reaching for his shirt as they kiss.

  

   

   

  

   

     

    

     

     

AUTHORS NOTE
my oc's are the type of people to make playlists with names dedicated to their initials with their lovers' initials, yk, cute shit like that