Forelsket

Chapter 31

Elle

I've been dealing with silence throughout the whole drive. Harrice is also keeping her silence while reading her notes as she sits comfortably on her seat. Para pa nga itong nagsosolve dahil panay yung sulat nito ng mga variables sa hawak nitong papel kanina. Nang matapos ay itinabi na nito iyon sa loob ng bag nito.

Is she really not going to open up our issue?

We should talk. We can't just go on avoiding the problem. I need to know where she's coming from and she needs to know where I am coming from. Simple lang naman. We should meet halfway. Bakit kailangan namin magpataasan ng pride?

A love fight isn't a real fight right?

Lagi kong sinasabi iyon kay Rainey noon pag nag-aaway kami dahil palagi na lang sya nauunang magsorry at magbaba ng pride. Thinking I would leave her if she wouldn't.

But people should understand that a love fight isn't a real fight. It's only a lashing of differences that needs immediate action. A choice. A decision. Something that needs resolution and not just mere words that's meant to cut your partner. Words are so powerful. And I just hope people know how to use their words accordingly. Hopefully to build and help people. Other than breaking and humiliating them.

That's also the reason why I was mad at Harrice for denying me. Her simple words are cutting me skin-deep. Oo, insensitive ako at madalas ay cold sa mga tao. But it doesn't mean that I am not capable of getting hurt too.

Not because I am someone known to people, would also mean that I am close and open to them too. They don't know me all.

And I am so insecure that if this thing between I and Harrice won't work out, people would start thinking that it was solely my fault. I am always the bad guy in everyone's story anyway. And there's no way I could redeem that. Because I'd rather let her be out clean slate than let people know how much the truth is hurting me inside.

I am egotistical. I am full of pride. And there's no way I would let them peak inside just to see how much of a wreck or dark my world is. I'd rather be healed with the pain I don't talk loudly about. They're not Harrice anyway.

Naaawang napalingon ako kay Harrice nang masulyapan ko ito na parang bumabagsak pa yung ulo nito sa headrest ng upuan. Nakatulog na pala ito sa sobrang pagod siguro.

Gamit yung kanang kamay ko ay marahang inayos ko yung ulo nito para hindi ito mauntog sa bintana.

Maybe talking with Harrice right now isn't a good time. Magkaclash at magkakaclash lang kami. Pareho pa naman kaming ayaw magpatalo. Mabuti din na makatulog muna ito para mawala yung agiw sa utak nito. Baka maisip nito kung bakit ako nagagalit ng ganito sa kanya.

Nagmulat ng mata si Harrice nang maramdaman yung kamay ko na inaayos yung ulo niya. Tinabig nito iyon at saka umayos ng upo paharap sa bintana.

Is this her plan? To just ignore me until I drop her home? She should be the one saying her apology piece, right?

I took a deep breath. Siguro ito yung problema. I just can't go on getting mad at her for long. Ngayon na nga lang kami nagkita tapos mag-aaway pa kami.

Hindi nya ba ako namiss? I've been gone for few weeks. Bihira pa kami makapag-usap. Tapos hindi pa maganda yung entrada ko kanina.

"Do you want to have an early dinner before I drive you home?" sumulyap ako dito.

Para na itong magkakastiff neck sa tigas ng pagkakabaling ng leeg nito paharap sa bintana sa side nito.

"Di ba gusto mo ng wagyu beef?" tanong ko pa ulit.