Forelsket

Chapter 10

Harrice

I feel awful. Para yata akong magkakasakit sa sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.

Crappy cakes.

Ilang beses naman na kami naglaro ng ganito pero kahit minsan hindi pa naman nangyari na tinamaan ako ng ganito kadami.

Well, mas madalas kasi na magkakampi kami ni Eris kesa magkalaban. At sa tuwing magkakampi kami, palagi kami nananalo. Isang beses lang yata kaming natalo noon. Noong dinaya kami ng mga ate namin.

Eris fell asleep while waiting for our target to step in our base. Samantalang ako, natakam noon sa nakita kong basket ng mga prutas. Akala ko galing talaga iyon kina Mama. Ayun wala, pain na pala iyon nila Carrie. May injected laxatives yung prutas kaya no choice, I had to surrender or I'll shit my pants.

That was the worst.

Instead na kampihan ako noon ni Mommy because Carrie played dirty, she just told me that it's not playing dirty if it's not stated in the dont's rules. In the real fight, there are really no rules. You just have to fully utilize your strength, knowledge, and ability.

Siguro itong game namin ngayon, ito na yung real fight. If we lose, mawawalan na naman kami ng pagkain.

And no. Not even a family can save me. Carrie even forgotten me. She always forgets that she have a sister.

Maybe that's also the reason that I am not calling her 'ate'. I don't want her to be burdened with her responsibilities being my older sister. She can do whatever she wants without worrying about me. But still, I'm hoping. I'm hoping that she still knows when I need her the most.

I grew up without being dependent to anyone. Lagi kasing sinasabi ni Mama, Cariette is the weakest among us. Ito kasi yung laging binubully at mahina yung loob noon. I had witnessed how her classmates are bullying her and how I need to step up and fight for her.

But it stopped when I accidentally heard her denying me as her sister. She told her classmates back then that I am not her sister. Imposible daw na maging kapatid ako nito dahil ang layo daw ng itsura namin. She got green eyes while I got brown. She's tall while I am not. Even the facial structures, magkaiba. Ito kasi yung nagmana sa Swiss blood ni Mommy dahil si Mommy yung nagdala sa kanya. While I carried our Mama's british-filipina blood and features.

That hurt me. To be denied by my only sister.

But No. I didn't confront her. Nor did I asked her why she did that. I just don't think I need to burden her about how I feel about it. I am not the one being bullied and compared to. I am not the one feeling inferior. I am not the one suffering most. If she thinks that denying me as her sister will stop the bullying, then be it. It's okay. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

Sabi ni Mama, I am the stronger one. The braver. So I need to protect Carrie. It doesn't matter kung ako yung mas bata.

But I also wish, I could be the weaker one too. I wish that I could show how afraid I was when Carrie thrown me out of the house when I forgot the 'green' code. I wish I could get mad at her too when I was left damn cold and hungry while staying at the lawn of our house when she locked the front door.

Nakapasok lang ako nang bahay noon nang makauwi na sila Mommy mula sa party na pinuntahan nila. And No, Carrie didn't apologize for doing that to me. Sabi nila Mama, Carrie is having anger management issues so it would help if I wouldn't forget about the codes the next time para di ako mapalabas ulit. Our parents made sure that I will always be reminded by orienting me everyday.

I am strong. Always.

But stronger people have the weaker hearts, right? That's why all the kindness that we are receiving from other people are being treasured the most.