SCP AJR Au one shots

Guilty 2

Rewrite of Sherman feeling guilty.
Suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, picking at skin (self-harm).
Mirror timeline.
Sherman: me
Casey: Nova

Sherman was in his room, he hasn't been out of his room in.. god, four days. He couldn't get his team's screams out of his head..worst of all he couldn't get Terry's face out of his head..his once shining eyes..faded. He could feel a sob come up his throat but he pushed it down.

Jack was busy picking up shermans work, so casey took the duty in going to see sherman, holding the necklace that held terrys ring close to his chest. They didn't know if it was a good idea to give it to him, so.. they stowed it in their pocket gently, patting it.

They gave a soft sigh, knocking on the door gently, calling "sherm? Its casey. Is it okay for me to come in?"

Sherman heard the knock, "Come in. The doors unlocked.." He called out in a rough voice. He didn't move from his bed. He continued to stare at the ceiling, trying his best to calm himself before Casey came in.

Casey opened the door and stepped in with a tiny smile, frowning for a moment seeing the state sherman was in. They gave a soft sigh, closing the door behind him and turning on a lamp. He's really bad..

"..have you eaten at all the past few days..?" They asked softly, thinking to themself 'or much of anything, really.'

Sherman had to think for a moment, "I..had some soup...two days ago... that's really it." He said with a small shrug. His stomach felt like it was eating itself but.. he didn't care. He cared about nothing these days.

"well.." casey chewed his lip, "would you eat if i made something for you?" To be honest they were hungry so they were gonna make something whether sherman wanted something or not. His radio spewed a little static, casey quickly lowering the volume, speaking quietly back into it.

Sherman shrugged again, "..I don't know.." He said as he turned his attention back to the ceiling. He heard Casey speak into his radio, he couldn't bring himself to care who they were talking too.

"..okay.. i'll tell him." Casey mumbled, before gently putting his radio in his pocket and kneeling next to sherman. "Hey.. jack told me to tell you that we're setting up a funeral for everyone.. and if you're okay with going.. if... It'll help..."

Sherman looked over at Casey, he then turned back to the ceiling, he thought for a couple minutes. "Yeah..that might help..a little.." He said as his voice cracked with a little emotion. Stop... don't get emotional..

"... you're okay to cry, sherm... Its okay to let it out..." Casey carefully took a hold of the others hand, giving it a very small squeeze. "...i.. have something.. that i think is supposed to be yours..." He pulled out the necklace and pressed it gently into the others hand, looking down sadly.

"...I shouldn't cry...I'm alive..I survived..when I shouldn't have.." Sherman said. He looked at the necklace that Casey put into his hand, his eyes widened. It was..Terry's ring...he tried his best to hold in the tears but..they just came out. He let out a sob as he put it against his chest, right over his heart.

"...terry would've wanted you to have it.... I saved it just before they started taking out bodies.." casey spoke quietly, giving a soft sigh. "..you survived cause terry wanted you to..."

Sherman shook as he let out more sobs. It took a couple minutes for the sobs to pass, "S.. Sometimes I wish that rumor of me was..t.. true..I wish I jumped off that..cliff.." He said as he gripped the necklace tightly.

Caseys heart dropped, looking up and pulling at sherman gently. "No.. if you did... We wouldn't know what to do..." His voice shuddered, brows furrowed.

Sherman chuckled emptily, "You would've found out what to do..sooner or later.." He looked at Casey, his eyes holding no emotion, just emptiness. "Jumping off that cliff.. would've been easier than living with...this guilt."

"no, we wouldn't. Trust me..." Casey sighed, before standing and pulling sherman into a tight hug. "You're my brother. Being without you and the others, i'd be lost."

Sherman slowly put his arms around Casey, he didn't believe them but he didn't want them to hurt anymore because of him "..G..God I'm sorry.." He said as he cried quietly.

"...you miss him... Its okay...." Casey spoke softly, rubbing his back gently. "Its okay..." He held sherman close, unsure of what to do for the other..

Sherman could feel a scream coming, he didn't want to scream..yet. He held onto Casey tightly, he doesn't know..what he will do if anyone else dies.. He could feel his stomach softly rumble.. guess he was hungry..

"..i'm gonna make us some lunch, okay..?" Casey spoke softly after he slowly pulled back after a few minutes, squeezing shermans shoulder gently. "Hope you don't mind chicken nuggets."

Sherman nodded, "..I don't mind." He rubbed his eyes softly. He started to pick at his skin as he looked down.

Casey smiled before he got to work on lunch, giving a tiny yawn and glancing to sherman from time to time.

Sherman just sat on his bed still picking at his skin, he picked until he saw blood. He took deep breaths in and out, he closed his eyes. When he did he saw Terry's face..his eyes lifeless. He opened his eyes quickly with a jump.

Casey was there already with a tissue, frowning and wrapping the tissue around where he picked, holding it so it would stop the blood. "..christ sherman..."

Sherman looked at Casey and kept repeating, "I'm sorry." over and over again. "I..I can't do this.."

"stop apologizing..." Casey gently spoke, chewing his lip a little, looking up at him. "..do you need to stay with one of us tonight?"

Sherman just nodded, he'll do it one of these days..not today.. His whole body shook.

"alright.. alright, breathe.." casey spoke softly, "in and out... Slow..."

Sherman breathed in and out slowly..his body started to shake less and less after a couple minutes. He almost apologized again but stopped himself.

"good... Now... Lets eat and get you out of this room.." casey gave Sherman a soft and quick hug before going over and pulling the nuggets out of the oven, going "ow ow ow-" cause they forgot to grab the pot holders.

Sherman raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. He got up and almost fell, his legs felt like melting jello.

"y- yeah- burned the hell out of my hands,," casey hissed softly, turning on cold water in the sink and running their hands gently under them. "nuggets are done. Be careful." They bit their lip, closing their eyes in relief.

Sherman nodded, he..felt..worried for Casey but..he grabbed a nugget, blew on it then ate it. He sighed softly, it tasted..so good.

"eat as many as you want." Casey smiled, before he grabbed out a paper plate, picking up a few to sit and eat.

Sherman nodded, "..Okay.." He said as he ate another one. After a couple minutes..the nuggets were gone. "Oh..shit.."

"well, you really were hungry." Casey laughed, finishing his nuggets, tossing his plate away. "C'mon, adam and ry are waiting for us."

Sherman nodded, "..O..Okay.." He said. Chicken nuggets..his last..food he's gonna eat..huh..will he regret it..maybe. At least he'll be with Terry.