Euphoria: Dosage of Rhapsodies

Chapter 39

"Corrine, are you okay?" 

Dalawang beses kong naikurap ang mga mata ko, kasabay n'yon ay walang malay akong napahawak sa magkabila kong pisngi dala ng sobrang pag-iinit nito.

When I heard Israel started talking, doon lang din ako nabalik sa wisyo. His eyes are curious as a cat, looking damn curious as to why I'm staring at him as hell...

OMG! All I thought is that Israel cut short my sentence because of a fucking kiss—but ends up that scene only made by my crazy imagination.

"O-Of course, I'm okay!" I spluttered and bit my lips. Looking down, I saw his hands on my left arm... and blushed.

I'm so busy dealing with that crazy thought that I was informed just now that he's touching me. Agad akong lumayo kay Israel. Hindi na rin ako nagpaalam doon sa dalawa, basta umalis na lang ako kaagad sa lugar na 'yon dala ng kahihiyan.

What the hell was that?! First, I imagine myself kissing him... and then second, I saw myself blushed? Is he starting to sway me... again? Am I starting to fall for him... for the second time around? 

Dahil sa sobrang lalim ng iniisip ko, naupo na lamang ako sa kaninang puno na pinanggalingan ko. Lilim kasi rito at malamig, masarap maupo rito kasi mahangin. I'm not alone, anyway. Mukhang ang punong ito ay sadyang pinalago sa area na 'to para may pahingahan ang mga farmers na nagtatrabaho rito. 

"Where are they?" rinig kong tanong ni Harvey, na halos kararating lang din habang may dala siyang bottled water. "I thought you were with Cin and Jen?"

"Naiwan sila roon sa strawberry farm... nag-v-vlog." 

"Oh, okay." 

Kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko na mag-open kay Harvey ng problema. I'm just so desperate to find any possible answers about tons of questions playing inside my head. 

"Hey, do you have an ex?" 

"Maybe an ex lover, ex crush, anything...?" I added, still not giving Harvey a single glance. 

"I have," I heard him reply. "And I already know what you're trying to ask." 

"Someone who's been in an unfinished relationship in the past are the ones who are more likely to be confused about their feelings. 'Yan kasi ang mahirap 'pag wala pang closure 'yong past, may tendency na guluhin niyan 'yong current relationship mo. That's why it's important that you should not leave your unfinished business... because that could be the root of your relationship with someone... wrecking."

With him being said, does he mean I should close what's left unfinished with Israel and I?  Pero, paano ko nga 'yon gagawin? Hindi na nga ako naalala no'ng tao, baka magmukha lang akong tanga.

Pero sa mga ikinikilos niya kasi, parang hindi naman siya nakalimot. He's still the man I knew before. He never changed, actually. 

"Ayokong maging unfair kay Eli, you know? I love him, yeah... but I just can't help to overthink that someone from the past started to ruin everything. Sabi ko sa kanya, walang magbabago even that man came back to our life. Sabi ko mananatiling siya lang... but why am I feeling like I was, again, ready to give up everything I have just to be with that guy? These past few days, he's always in my mind... I feel like after so many years have passed, walang nagbago. It feels like... siya pa rin talaga." 

This is so fvcking crazy, I know. Ilang taon din ang itinagal ng relasyon namin ni Eli, but I think I will just end up wrecking our relationship... because of the guy I thought I have no longer feelings with. 

"Huwag ka muna mag-conclude ng ganyan, Corrine. It's not advisable na dahil lang nakakaramdam ka na feeling mo gusto mo pa rin 'yong ex mo or 'di ka pa totally nakaka move on sa taong 'yan, it means that you're going to end up your existing relationship in exchange to choose your ex lover over your present."