Euphoria: Dosage of Rhapsodies

Chapter 55

"Corrine!" 

"Corrine, wait!"

Natigil ako sa paglalakad when Eli hugged me from the back. Sa baywang ko nakapulupot ang mga kamay niyang sa higpit nito, tila ayaw niya akong pakawalan.

"Ayusin natin 'to. Mag-usap tayo, hmm? Kung hindi ka pa ready na magpakasal, handa naman akong maghintay." He made his voice sound strong in between his sobs.

But, I shouldn't be carried away. I shouldn't be fragile by hearing his words and by listening to his nonstop pleads.

Pwersahan kong tinanggal ang kamay niyang nakakapit sa katawan ko, and as I make sure na kaya ko na siyang harapin nang hindi babahain ng luha ang pisngi ko, I faced him. "Eli, please... 'wag mong isipin na nakikipaghiwalay ako sa iyo because you surprised me with your proposal."

Dahil sa katunayan, noon pa kita hinihintay na lumuhod sa harap ko at yayain akong magpakasal.

"It's not like that. My intention for breaking up with you is because..." I couldn't think of something to reason out.

"If not, then why?" 

Pilit niyang hinuhuli ang ilag kong mga mata sa kanya, but I couldn't even looked at him in the eye. Dahil sakaling gawin ko 'yon, my sacrifice will just end up nothing again. 'Yang mga mata niyang 'yan, 'yan 'yong mga matang magpapatiklop sa mga sinungaling.

"Bakit, Corrine?! Anong dahilan mo para hiwalayan ako? May iba na ba? Hindi mo na ba ako mahal? O, baka..." I could see how he messed his hair. "Baka hanggang ngayon... si Israel pa rin?" 

"Siya pa rin ba-"

"Oo!" I cut his words short. "Tama ka. Sa kabila ng pagsasama natin nang matagal, si Israel pa rin talaga ang laman nito..." Placing my hand into my chest perceived to be an act of treachery. "I still love him, Eli. And if I continue dating you... mas lalo lang kitang masasaktan. I'm sorry for giving you the love you don't deserve."

Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong inabot ang kanyang pisngi. Dala ng kapal ng mukha, I wiped his tears. "Please, don't ever waste your tears just because of a shit like me. I don't deserve any single tear from you. Please, Eli..." Sa likod ng mga taksil kong luha, I smiled at him as genuine as I can. "Promise me to forget all the memories we've shared together. Kalimutan mo na ako at piliin mong maging masaya na hindi ako 'yong kasama mo. You will be happy again, but this time... without me."

Palayo na sana ako sa kanya nang hawakan niya ang mga kamay ko. "How could I? You're my life, Corrine. Jejemon mang pakinggan pero ang mawala ka sa buhay ko, para mo na rin akong pinatay. I have never been in love like this before. I've never experienced this kind of pain, this kind of sorrow and this kind of goodbye before... not even with Magi."

"Letting you go only means no longer opening my eyes to see the sunlight tomorrow. Kung talagang tatapusin mo na ang relasyon natin ngayon, mas mabuting bukas na bukas din, sa lamay mo na ako makita-"

Hindi na ako nakapagpigil pa na sampalin siya. "I will just say this to you once. Make sure you'll pay attention."

"Eli... ako lang 'yong mawawala sa iyo. Isipin mo na lang na sa oras na gawin mo 'yang binabalak mo, mas marami kaming malulungkot. Hindi mo kailangang gawin 'yan, okay? Pagsubok lang ito. Soon, you'll be happier, too." Inayos ko ang sarili ko and utilizing my palm, I dried my face. "I'll see you at your concert. Make sure to impress me, okay?"

And without letting him speak, I turned around. Sumakay na ako kaagad ng kotse after that conversation that I might say... my most painful conversation I had in my entire life.

"Forgive me for doing this, Eli. Sa ngayon, gusto kong makasiguradong ligtas ka hanggang sa araw na masolusyunan ko na ito lahat. At sana 'pag dumating na 'yong araw na 'yon..."