His Light

Goodbye

Three months later

Lilac's Pov

It's been three months since Alex opened up to me, since he gave me a promise ring, since we had our first time together, and I can tell that he's now much more different than before, a lot of things have changed and our bond grew.

I already fell in love with him, but I didn't know that I could fall deeper than that.

Alex began to talk about his feelings more openly, although he sometimes closes himself off and his anger issues are still there, but we are getting along pretty amazing.

Alex is trying his best, and that's what matters. No one is perfect and I can't expect perfection if I'm not perfect myself. But with time we will get better together, we will be there for each other, we are two broken people who are trying to heal each other. And that is love.

But lately I've been feeling a little bit ill, and I don't know why, but Alex is taking good care of me.

I feel so nauseous all the time and when there is a strong smell, like Alex's cologne, I can't help but throw up.

When I throw up, he always holds my hair back and caresses my back soothingly, and I'm really thankful for that. 

Throwing up is so awful, I hate when that happens.

But except for that I'm good and I'm happy with Alex by my side. I didn't even feel the need to cut, because I spoke openly about how I felt to Alex. And Alex helped me with calming down, if I had the need to hurt myself. My eating habits are also really good now and I can eat more than I did before. I also gained some weight. Sometimes I feel fat, because my ass got bigger, my belly and my breasts as well, but Alex said that I still look and will look beautiful no matter how much I gain.

The bad thing is, that Alex has to leave tonight for a few days, because of a meeting with allies in New York. And this is making me really sad. I don't want him to go, what would I do without him. I'm scared of being alone.

Suddenly Alex entered our bedroom with a tray in his hands, normally we would go to the cliff everyday, to watch the sunset or just to talk, or we would bake Alex's favorite cookies, we would make love, watch a movie, cook together, but when I began to feel sick, I've been just at home in bed.

I wanted to get out of bed so badly, just to do something. To train or to cook, just to do anything, I sit here all day and do nothing except reading my books. However, just because I feel nauseous and dizzy, Alex wants me to stay in bed, no matter what.

As I felt Alex's hand stroking my cheek, it brought me out of my thoughts. "What is going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked, showing me his adorable smile, while sitting on the edge of the bed, right in front of me.

"Nothing" I said looking into my palms sadly. I felt really down of the thought, that Alex would leave. We never been separated after getting together, after confessing our love.

"Come on tell me Lilac" he said making me look up, his hand gently touching my chin.

"Okay..." I began taking a deep breath. "I don't want you to leave for New York" I admitted nervously.

He then pecked my lips, "it is just for a few days Lilac, nothing more. You won't notice my absence."

"Can't I come with you?" I asked. I really wanted to go with him. Staying without him will be so bad, what if I feel the need to hurt myself again, then I would have to face it alone.