His Light

Don't

Alex's POV

A few weeks passed, the worst weeks of my life, questions constantly flooding my head, was it worth to continue, was life really worth it, but every single time I looked at my children, I couldn't even dare to think of leaving them, what would happen to them when I wouldn't be here? What would Lilac think of me? "God, I failed her " I thought my eyes filling with tears again.

I looked at Audelia and Asher putting them into their crib, I felt bad, horrible, I deserve death. I took their mother; how would I explain them that I am the reason that they have no mother. I just stormed towards Lilac's and I's shared bedroom hesitant to enter. I turned the doorknob gently seeing the empty room, seeing everything left as it was. Her book on the nightstand, her pregnancy pillow she loved sleeping with after getting pregnant, foul strawberries sitting in a bowl from the time I brought it up so she could have a snack. So much of her was in this room, as if she would just step out of the bathroom like nothing happened.

I looked at the closet seeing her cute summer dress hanging next to the mirror.

"FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!!!" I screamed letting all my sadness out by hitting the mirror in our bedroom.

And for another wave of realization hit me, Lilac wasn't here to wrap my bloody hand up, she wasn't here.

It's the first time that I entered this room, after her death, our room.

It was as if I could feel her presence in the room.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME LILAC? WHY?" I said punching the mirror, hitting in over and over again, drawing more blood hoping that she would appear somehow to tend to my bloody hand.

Then I knocked over the bed, everything in this room turning it into a mess. Then I pushed everything angrily off the nightstand, knocking it over as well.

"LILAC WHY? WHY? TELL ME WHY?" I screamed. Hearing her voice but she's not speaking. I lost my steadfastness, I lost her, I lost the love of my life, I lost her.

I just slumped down next to the knocked over bed. Beginning to cry. I lost her. I lost the mother of my kids. I lost everything. "What about your promise my love, you didn't keep it either you said you wouldn't leave me."

I just looked in between my legs while crying, seeing tear drops fall on the ground, growing into a small puddle of tears. Merging with the blood from my hands that were also dropping on the floor.

This time Lilac wasn't here to take care of my wound, I was alone.

Suddenly something caught my eye...There was something under the blanket on the floor.

I just lifted up the blanket to see a tape and reached out to take it.

There was something written on it.

"For my amazing husband, Alex ♡"

I just traced my finger over the writing, my sobs filling the room.

"Lilac..."

I just looked around the room, to see if I destroyed the tv. But to my luck I didn't break it.

I immediately stood up fixing and setting the tv up on the ground. I had to watch the tape.

As I looked on the tape I saw the smeared blood on it.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I cursed, trying to wipe the blood on my shirt off.

After I managed to clean it, I put the tape in the player, turning the tv on.

All of sudden, Lilac appeared on the tv.

"Lilac?" I muttered in utter disbelief.

Lilac just took a deep breath, before she began talking.