His Light

A kiss

Lilac's Pov

I woke up in the middle of the night and my head was pounding. I remembered what has happened and how I began to lose consciousness.

I'm so embarrassed that I lose so often my consciousness. I'm sure everyone sees me as pathetic and weak.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME SO LEAVE HER ALONE"

"SHE'S NOTHING TO ME YOU BITCH. SHE'S JUST A WHORE I FUCK"

It took two sentences to make me feel depressed. Two.

Yes I was self harming myself a few months ago, but I did it only when I felt bad or hurt.

And now I feel beyond hurt. I just want to leave and never come back.

I want my peace.

The way Alex spoke about me made me want to cry my eyes out. I never hurt Alex and I never did something wrong.

I got freaking kidnapped and obeyed like a damn dog. Because of what? Right, because I am fucking afraid of getting killed or tortured.

I know that there won't be an escape. Who can escape a mafia boss or mafia king whatever they call him.

The bed I lay in was comfortable but I still decided to stand up and search for something sharp.

Yes something to hurt myself.

A piece of shit like me deserves to get hurt I guess.

TW: Selfharm

I was in the bathroom as I saw something sharp that would help me. But it was on the highest point of the cabinet in the bathroom and I am freaking short. Well I tried to reach for it but I accidentally dropped a glass vase that was standing there for decor.

I hope no one heard it, it would just cross my plan to do what I wanted to do.

I finally reached the razor and took it in my hands. I was sitting on the toilet as I just began to draw lines on my arms. It bled just a little bit. It did not hurt, because it wasn't my first time and I guess I'm already numb to the pain.

The bathroom door suddenly flew open and there was a really scared Zac standing in front of me. He just stared at me in shock and I just stared back.

He broke the door I thought.

Zac was really handsome. He had short blond wavy hair and hazel colored eyes. He was lean and muscular. He was really good looking, but not better that Alex.

Why did I think of him? I just shake it off.

"Lilac p-put the sharp blade down" Zac said carefully. I guess that he didn't want me to get triggered into cutting myself deeper.

"Please put it down, okay?" he continued.

"Zac leave me alone, don't worry I won't kill myself. That's your boss's job." I snapped.

"And if you don't leave now I will try something. I swear."

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?" It was Alex's voice and he was screaming again.

Then the next thing I saw was Alex running into the bathroom as he realized I had something sharp on my arm.

I stared deeply into his eyes and saw some kind of emotion, but I didn't know what it was.

Zac left immediately after Alex looked at him as if he was going to kill him later.

"Lilac put that sharp blade down. NOW!" he said as he began to move closer.

"WHY WOULD YOU CARE HUH? YOU ARE THE ONE WHO KIDNAPPED ME AND WHO WANTED TO KILL ME. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CARE IF I GOT HURT?" I shout at him. I really had enough of Alex's behavior.

"Lilac you are not thinking clearly. Put the blade down so we can take care of your wound. And w-" I cut him off. I couldn't hear his voice anymore.

"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. SINCE I FREAKING CAME HERE I OBEYED YOU LIKE A DOG. YOU WOULDN'T LET ME GO, YOU TOOK AWAY MY FREEDOM YOU PIECE OF SHIT." Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"Lila-" I cut him off again.

"I'M NOT FINISHED ALEX. Y-YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. BUT YOU STILL TREAT ME LIKE SHIT. WHAT IF I KILL MYSELF RIGHT HERE AND NOW. WOULD YOU CARE? I GUESS NOT." I just showed him the blade and pushed it a little deeper to show him how serious I was.

"FIRST YOU HURT ME AND THE NEXT MOMENT YOU ACT LIKE YOU CARE. IT'S SO DAMN CONFUSING!" I said as my hands began to shake from the anger and pain I felt.

"Lilac please don't, just give me the blade please." he said calmly looking scared and worried.

I was now staring at the ground and thinking if I should put the blade deeper or not.

"GOT YOU!" was the only thing I heard when Alex grabbed me and held me close against his chest.

The blade fell off my hands and onto the ground.

Shit! I was distracted for a moment and look Alex Dalton got the upper hand again.

I was hitting Alex's chest and sobbing into him. I was so overwhelmed of my emotions I couldn't hold back anymore.

"It's over, shhhh it's over. I've got you." said Alex as he stroked my hair gently.

Then he held my head in his hands as he looked into my eyes and I into his.

He was really handsome. Handsome was even not enough to describe his beauty.

"Never try something like this again okay? If you feel like harming yourself, just come to me we will find something to distract you." he said worriedly, still looking into my eyes.

His gaze went to my lips and again up to my eyes.

"A-Alex?" I said nervously.

He just kept leaning in closer and closer. His lips now inches apart from mine.

"Hold still" he whispered as he suddenly pressed his lips onto mine.

His lips felt so soft and smooth, but I didn't react to the kiss. I couldn't, I hate him.

His lips were so addicting, so soft and I didn't want to pull away.

Why is he kissing me? WHY?

As I came to my senses I immediately pulled away. He's my kidnapper and I hate him.

WHY DID HE KISS ME?

I was crying now. He realized what he did and stood up, pulling me away.

"I will call someone to clean this mess. And you just rest in bed. I will call the doctor and let Anna bring you some food." his words were now cold and emotionless.

Yay the "bad Alex" is back. How ironic.

He just looked at my for one last time and left, leaving me alone with my thoughts.