His Light

You deserve to be

Lyrics that fit Lilac's and Alex's situation:

Tell me, what would you say?
If I told you that I hated you
Would you go away?
Now I need your help with everything that I do
I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

~The NBHD

Alex Pov

I was standing right in front of a door that was separating me from Lilac, but it felt like not the door was just separating us, there was much more to it.

I want to cry, I want to love her take her back into my arms and comfort her, show her that I am here and that I'm not going anywhere, but I don't think this is what she wants.

I never show emotions or show my weakness, but for her I'd do anything.

It's been weeks since we are like this, being pulled apart, both hearts shatter, with a loss we never expected. A loss I can't even handle.

My so sweet little daughter, my own flesh and blood, ripped out of our lives. I can't even imagine what Lilac must be feeling.

My head was leaning against the door that was standing between us. I saw her face after this long, and she looked so sad and broken, dealing with everything on her own, with no one by her side.

She just distanced herself, suffering on her own while I do the same.

The way Lilac looked at me as she finally decided to open the door, after weeks, standing between the gap of the door physically and not mentally.

I wanted to desperately make everything right even when it meant that I had to let her go.

I know that she was right, I brought her into all of this mess. Why did I fucking need to be selfish. I destroyed her life, I fucking destroyed her so precious heart, that she did put into my hands, with trust and love.

"I'm so sorry Lilac" I whispered towards the door, walking off, wanting to pass another hour so I could check on her again and again, until she would feel better - if that's even possible.

However, this heavy feeling on my chest just won't go away, even though I saw Lilac this time.

When I was back in the office, I was sitting in my chair and looking at the celling, thinking of the moment I saw Lilac after so many weeks, but something wasn't right. Something still felt off and there has to be something for that heavy feeling I have right now, it feels so weird.

Lilac would have never shown herself after all this time, after hiding for weeks and not even opening the door for a single time. Not to eat not to drink.

Something hit me...No she wouldn't...would she? No.

"No, no, no..." I said jumping out of my seat, starting to run back towards her room, knocking like crazy wanting to draw her attention but there was nothing. She probably did something to herself, fuck why didn't I noticed it the first moment I saw her "FUCKK!" I yelled, close to an hour must have already passed, with me going back to my room and sitting there for a while. FUCK!

"Lilac, open the door" still nothing "LILAC OPEN THAT DAMN DOOR OR I WILL BREAK IT" I shouted, the anxious feeling in my chest growing every passing second.

And when Lilac was still not reacting, not even yelling back like she normally would make me go away. I just pulled out my gun not able to wait any longer, shooting at the door handle, and tearing the door down by breaking through it with my shoulder.

"LILAC" I yelled entering the room forcefully, just to see her sleeping on the bed, but something felt odd, she wasn't sleeping like she always did, it was more like a motionless sleeping on her back, but Lilac never sleeps on her back. My eyes wandered, towards the nightstand seeing empty pill bottles.