my light of day

CHAPTER 58

TAY TAWAN'S POV

My spirit woke up when I heard Hin's voice muttering words while removing my shoes, his voice so low I couldn't even understand what he was saying.

I faked sleep but immediately dropped the act when I felt the absence of his touch.

I called his name and slowly opened my eyes. It was all hazy. But the way my heart fluttered at the blurry image in front of me felt like a sweet dream.

I called him yet again and this time I heard his voice confirming his presence. It made me happy. He is truly here with me.

I raised my hand meekly and patted his head, and touched his face finally certain it was him and yet it made me think twice if this is really happening.

He stood up but my impulse pulled him back. It's been forever since the last time I had Hin so close to me like this. I can almost hear him breathing. And I don't want any of this to end. He doesn't need to do or say anything, I just want him to stay here beside me.

My heart sank when he cringed at my touch.

It was painful, I felt like crying.

I held his hand, fumbling around his finger, and noticed he was still not wearing any engagement or promise ring. He cringed yet again as he removed his hand on mine and moved back a little, but I remained on holding him.

It's okay, I told him.

I wish everything to be okay and I believe one day everything will be okay. Although his touch says otherwise as he pulled out his hands on mine.

We talked about the job he was offered months ago and how he considered accepting it. I was genuinely happy for him. Hin's career evolving to exactly how he wanted it to be is one of his dreams, which eventually became my dream too. I saw him thrive to be the best accountant he is now and he deserves all the promotion he can get on his line of work.

However, I was not anymore included in this plan. I mean, he didn't even ask me first, heck, I found it out from other people. Where am I? I was completely dismissed and I don't get to say anything about it.

But it's okay.

I was hurt. But that is okay.

I even gave him my sincere congratulations only to be answered by thanks that sounded like a query.

But again, that's fine. If he chooses to run away I can still chase after him, right?

Or can I?

I began asking him questions that I've been seeking answers to recently but he didn't acknowledge any. Instead, he passed me back my question.

Am I still happy?

No doubt.

The very fact that we're still together is enough reason to be happy. Our relationship may be undergoing some crises lately but I'm doing my best to restore his love for me. I guess Hin still loves me.

I guess.

I wasn't even sure.

I'm falling apart.

That I am sure.

I am in deep despair. I am vulnerable. I wished all this pain to go away.

Help me...

I said.

I was unaware.

It was a slip of the tongue.

It was my emotions taking over.

Hin apologized and I felt bad. I never wanted to hear him say sorry as it only adds up to the guilt I am carrying.