my light of day

CHAPTER 65

TAY TAWAN'S POV

"Hin--"

Hin?? I swallowed dryly. He was obviously stunned.

Oh wow. I must have called him Hin out of impulse. I really need to work on keeping my thoughts to myself.

"What?", he gaped at me and I know why.

I sighed and stood up to sit right next to him.

"There's no point in blaming. What happened is what put us in this position. Where we both lost and gained ourselves. I always thought I wish I could change things differently. But no. Breaking up was the most reasonable thing to do."

He tilted his head and smiled sullenly at me, ''You think so? Hm", he slightly pouted, "I never thought it's a reasonable choice though."

"Think about it. If you stayed with me we will just keep on colliding. Didn't you see how my presence slowly deteriorates you? Someone needs to give up so we could save that little hope of securing back our relationship."

"Hmm. Did you happen to save anything? Is that why you gave up on me?", he stared at me frowning, his voice so low I could barely hear him.

I blinked my eyes and rubbed my nose as I was controlling myself to get emotional.

Remembering that night when we broke up always gives me sadness I can't even imagine. It's just... still very painful to me.

I gave up on him.

That's what it may seem like no matter what angle you'll look into it.

But I did not.

Really.

Did I really give up on him?

When all this time he has never left my heart?

When every time I see something or go somewhere all I think about was him?

When no matter how many girls my friends set me up I always end up hoping it was Hin I am spending my time with?

When all I ever wanted was to be with him again?

But I did give up on him.

Come to think of it, he never left me even when there are plenty of reasons to. I was the one who chose to walk away in the first place.

It's already bad that I wasn't there when he courageously faced his mom to tell her he will marry me even when he only meant it to annoy her.

And it's even worse that I wasn't there when his trauma triggered again. I wish I was there to give him support but how could I even do that when I don't have any idea.

I was the one who assumed we are never getting back together just because I chose to be foolish rather than to be logical in finding out the truth.

I was the one who decided to cut him off from my life when I remove all the possible means of communicating with him.

Fuck.

I did give up on him.

"Tay? Are you okay?", I heard him. My head was slumped down and I can't dare look at him.

Why the hell am I crying?

"Hey. It's fine. Just forget I asked that", he pulled me closer to him and hugged me.

My instinct would have pushed him when he began comforting me but instead, I buried my head on his shoulder and the more he shush me while gently stroking the back of my head, the more the tears kept on flooding.