my light of day

CHAPTER 62

TAY TAWAN'S POV

I went back to the studio after sending New home. This day was a whole lot to take for me as I had to finish tons of pending work this morning, which is still left piled up. They were put off for the reason that I have been distracted ever since I saw New at the wedding, with Earth.

Seeing how happy they are together brought back all the pain I thought no longer exist.

I know I've been doing so well in acting tough and alright in front of New but deep inside I am dying.

I thought I have already moved on.

I thought I am okay.

But I felt like my heart broke again after seeing the wide smile on their faces while looking at each other. The way they comfort one another with those little touches. And how Earth protects him whenever he was put in an uncomfortable situation.

Earth is undoubtedly the perfect man for Newwiee.

And I am genuinely happy for them now.

Unlike before.

Six months after our breakup, I went to Singapore to surprise New for his birthday. I thought I could make amends so we could work things out. I want him back. That was my goal.

When I greeted him for Christmas and he replied with the same message and a smiley emoji, I got my hopes high. I know it was a sign that maybe, he was finally healed from the pain as I've been hoping and praying to all the Gods for him to find forgiveness in his heart and for it to be open again for me.

However, it was me who was surprised by my visit.

While waiting for him to get out of his work, I saw him and Earth walking from I-don't-know-where. I lowkey followed them not caring if I will look like a spy or someone inspecting them.

They entered a restaurant a few buildings away from their office and I sneakily watch them have dinner together.

That should be me, I thought.

I should be his company in celebrating his birthday but where was I? Hiding and waiting for my time to approach him, without Earth hanging around him.

But that time didn't come.

Because at that moment, the waiting is over.

Everything was over when Earth leaned over and kissed New on the lips. I even encourage myself that it was nothing until New pulled him from his shirt and reciprocated the kiss.

My whole world came crashing down on me.

I went back to Thailand right then and there. I didn't know what to do. Everything went foggy. My life felt like a huge mistake. I was blaming myself. I was questioning myself. I was tired of myself.

I decided to cut off all the possible ways of communicating with Newwiee. I removed everything that will remind me of him.

It was a hard year.

I relied on alcohol just so I won't be thinking of him the whole day and night. One or two bottles turned into a few bottles until it became my addiction.

I had frequent binge drinking. I have neglected my responsibilities. And I act violently. I shooed away and stopped seeing my friends and chose to hang out with random people instead. There was even a time when I woke up not knowing where I am.

I was on the edge of losing all I have.

My studio. My dignity. My friends? Myself.

I felt like everything and everyone was bailing on me.