HBC One-Shots

I'm sorry, please don't be mad

TW: Depression, Self harming!

Please if you don't feel comfortable with reading this or are affected...there is always help. If you don't have any people to talk to, you can always text me. Remember you're a lovely, amazing, beautiful person<3

It's been a long stressful month. You've had more work to do than the last months. You always stayed longer at work, deep into the night. When you came home you fell into your bed immediately only to wake up with a loss of sleep the next morning.
Actually you always managed to cope with the stress over the last few months. Your girlfriends and sometimes doing yoga helped you relax. But since two weeks you felt like nothing was working anymore. You didn't have any energie, you just continued your day. Day for day. It wasn't as bad as it was back then but you feel yourself slipping into your depressing phase once again.

Coming home you sat down on the kitchen table, your tears now falling free down your cheeks.
Right now were the stress was getting a little less, one of your colleagues made fun of you and a mistake you made. Of course you had friends at work who immediately stood up for you but still it hurt you. And your lack of self confidence didn't help here.
You stand up, wipe your tears and then look through the fridge.
You haven't eaten anything right since two days, only a quick snack and mostly you drank coffee to stay awake during work.

You found some noodles and salad and just decided to go with it since you didn't want to make something new. You heat up the noodles while getting a fork.
When the microwave beeps you put them out and sit down eating.

After some minutes you hear keys jiggling and the door open. A loud sigh was heard before Margaret steps into the room. "Hi baby" you turn around and get a forehead kiss. "Hi. How was work?" She sighs and sits down with a second fork also starting to eat with you.
"Very stressful. I just want to sleep. And you? Still so much stress?" You shake your head. "No well yes but it's getting better..." She takes your ching in her hands and makes you look at her.
"Baby what's wrong? Are you okay?" No you clearly weren't. You were on the edge of breaking down but still kept it together to not stress Margaret even more than she already is.
You nod, tears brimming in your eyes again. "I'm just- stressed and tired that's all. But enough of me. We should go to bed." "Okay, wait for me upstairs yeah? I'll just clean up here."
You mumble a quiet 'thank you' while standing up and then walk to the bedroom. Quickly getting dressed and brushing your teeth you lay in bed and wait for Margaret. Finally you hear her coming up the stairs, also getting ready. When she lays next to you, you immediately cling to her.
"I love you" you mumble, pulling her even closer. "I love you too baby." She kisses you softly and soon after your tiredness was taking over your body.

Next morning

When you woke up, Margaret was already gone. It was Saturday so you only had to work from 9am to 2pm, she will be home at 6pm.
You still had an hour to get ready. You drag yourself out of bed and into the bathroom. When you look in the mirror you widened your eyes. "God I look terrible"
After you got ready and looked at least a little more presentable in your eyes you went to work.

⚠️Trigger warning here again
!Self Harm!
I will tell you when the worst part ends

Time skip after work

You come home and finally break down. After the comments of your colleague again today and her scolding you for a mistake you just couldn't anymore. You ran into the bathroom, looking into the mirror.
But all you saw was a failure, a disappointing person, a wreck.
You knew there was was only one way to get all the pressure away.
You looked for the razors in the shelf.

You've been clean for nearly 9 months now and you were proud of it but right now you just needed it.

Quickly rolling up your sleeves, you sit on the floor, let your fingers wander over your old scars and then start pulling the blade over your skin. Tears brimmed in your eyes and you let the anger on yourself out while cutting in your skin. The blood trickles down your arms and onto your lap some of it on the floor. You didn't feel anything, just the pain, the hate, the doubt and your own insecurities.
Five times you cut yourself, the fifth was the deepest and the only one you really hissed in pain.