Behind The Red Curtain | YiZhan ✓

10-Tears Shed By Thou, Skin Blanketed By Desire

Anticipation and lust. Regrets and mistakes. Words of pursuit, let it be to fix them, or to abuse them.

He had always been aticipating his goal in life, seeking for the pleasure of his dreams. Filled with lust and greed, as a human should be. He would not become any less if he had them, but would be enlightened of the world before him.
That's what his father used to tell him. A man full of charm to achieve what he would desire. And so, he thaught Zhan to pursue what he desired most.

As a six year old, he could understand less what a desire meant, let alone understand the concept of it. Yet he was also not eager to know, only consumed by fear and nothing more. The word scared him, and so did the man that spoke of it. He could get the idea that his father was in pursuit of his own "desire", enabling him to do what he was doing now.
So he was scared. He was scared, that one day, he'd become like his father. A man of stone, eyes void of emotions and skin as thick as the line between body and soul.
Despite not understanding the words quite yet, he knew that there was something wrong with them. That they lacked something. The very same thing he lacked in his heart. And that was dangerous.

His father had never inflicted pain on him, let alone hit him or scold him. His words were always deep and kind, strong and had a lot of meaning within. He would always get to the point without avoiding reason, which had led to Zhan becoming the obedient little boy he was. But he knew that it was out of fear, nothing more. He was too weak to go against a beast like him, so he stood where he was and bended his head down.

But once he had grown up, that obedience in him had slowly faded away, leaving but a man seeking the path he deemed to have.
He now understood his father's' words.
Knowing very well what the human mind was, he was enthralled in the very emotions of it.

Pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth. He had experienced it all, having been led to a path of freedom filled with desires. Why so? Because he had desires. He had what every human at heart had.

But what he didn't have, was the feeling of warmth. He had never known such a thing. Despite his father's' kindness, he had been distant and doted on his son like a hawk watching from afar. And that had made him lonely without realizing it. So he had engulfed himself on his search, for the desire he seeked the most. Pleasure.

He guessed, since he did not want to become like his father, then he'd pursue what he would want the complete opposite of. The desire which layed deep in his heart. The very same one his father was not. The desire of submission.

It was the greatest sin of them all, if not, the most dangerous. A person's lust has the ability to control them, making their heart pump with warm blood, consuming their mind like an endless ocean, swarmed by nothing but the will to pursue it.
The ecstasy and the emotion it makes one feel is greater than the will to faithfullness and accomplishment.

It first starts with consuming the mind, later the actions that person takes. And before you know it, you become the very own pawn of it, controlled by one thing only. The will for climax. A relief of sorts that makes the person run until he has reached a summit for release.

And he needed that. He yearned for that. Yet what he was experiencing right now was far from it.
The hand that caressed his soft pale skin was slow, tender and carefull. He hadn't done anything to hurt him, not even a slight pinch to spice things up.

Instead, the big hands which he had yearned the touch for so much, had been going all over his body, just brushing on his skin. Only just! He really couldn't take it anymore, his body becoming restless from anticipation.

"...stop... STOP IT!"
He screamed, making the latter stop behind him. Zhan slowly pulled himself up and sniffled, his eyes behind the blindfold teary. "I should've known not to trust you for a second time! First you run away and now you don't even know where to put your hands at! Just get out if you're going to be like this!"
He was harsh with his words, hoping he had done a good job at pushing him away. "Others were much better than you'd ever be!" He really wanted to hit his hard spot and make him leave.