Meet (Seungjin)

thirty three

"Oh god." Chan held his aching head and was sat down at the dinner table, hunched over. "Here." Jeongin brought him some hangover soup and placed a bottle of pills and water next to the bowl. "Make sure to eat and take those."

The older hummed opening his eyes and grabbing the spoon. Blowing on the hot liquid, the ravenette brought the soup up to his lips and parted his lips. The familiar taste danced around his tongue and Chan smiled internally.

Jeongin wasn't the best at cooking, his food isn't always top tier, but it was good enough for Chan. He was just happy that the younger cooked for him.

While Chan was eating, Jeongin sighed silently and rested his head on the table. He was sleep deprived and wanted to die. Chan paused and looked up at the younger. "Are you okay?" The ravenette hummed as a yes and raised his head. "Im fine."

Chan was unconvinced but he was in no place to corner the younger so he just nodded. Even though he wanted to know what happened and make the problem go away, he chose to stay quiet. All through out the breakfast he had there was a question that was burned into his mind for the last 5 years.

He wanted the answer so badly and his throat was just itching to voice it. Taking the pill he was given, Chan drank some water and hoped it'd go away. But that feeling was still there. He wanted to know so badly. He wanted the answer.

So after years and years of him trying to figure it out alone, Chan finally voiced it out. At first he didn't want to do it but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted the answer. "Why?" He asked staring deep into the youngers eyes. "Why what?" Jeongin asked shifting his gaze away from Chan.

"Why did you do that?" Jeongin could feel Chan's stare burn holes into his body. "Because you were drunk and i couldn't send you home like that." He avoided the topic and reached over to grab the empty bowl from Chan, but the older held his wrist. "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

Jeongin gulped and he removed the grip going to the kitchen and putting the bowl away. "I really have no idea what your talking about." Chan got up following the younger. Jeongin was about to grab the sponge to wash the dishes but Chan stopped him. "Don't avoid my question, Jeongin. Tell me."

Chan's sort of harsh tone of voice turned back down to its softest level. "Don't you think I deserve an answer?" He asked eyes watering while staring at the person he used to love the most in the world. "I gave you an answer."

"No! no. Don't give me that bullshit. I want to know the real reason. Tell me...please. I know my job had some part of it but that wasn't the entire thing...was it?" Jeongin avoided eye contact and turned around. Chan's jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. Grabbing the youngers waist he spun Jeongin and held him in place. "Tell me..please."

"Why didn't you answer the phone?" Jeongin's voice cracked. "He called you so many times, why would you not pick up the phone?" Chan's brows furrowed. He ransacked his brain for the memory and was confused when he remembered it. "What- what does that have to do with anything."

"We wouldn't be here right now if you had answered the goddamn phone." Jeongin raised his voice, his emotions getting the best of him. Chan was taken aback not expecting the younger to raise his voice. "What was so important about that phone call?"

Jeongin realized his mistake and he sighed shakily removing Chan's hands. "It's nothing-" the ravenette grabbed Jeongin's wrist, maybe a little too hard. "Tell me. I don't want to stay in the dark anymore." Once realizing what he did, Chan quickly let go of Jeongin's wrist the ravenette staring at the now pink-ish imprint left in his skin.

"I-I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." Jeongin chewed on his lip and brought down the hoodies sleeve. It was then that Chan noticed the familiar material. It belonged to him. "Your right, Chan. That wasn't the entire reason." He said looking the older dead in the eyes. Jeongin knew he couldn't hide it anymore. The older deserved some answers. It was unfair to keep him in the dark.

"I..." Jeongin gulped feeling his palms got clammy, but he rubbed them off in his pants. "Right after you left for your trip...I found out something that could've changed both our lives." Chan stayed quiet and listened to the younger giving him his undivided attention.

"I..uhm..wow this is hard." He blinked back the incoming tears getting reminded of the bittersweet past. "Just please listen and don't say anything until I finish." Chan's heart was beating erratically and he nodded.

"Right after you left for Russia with Hyunjin's dad, I found out that I was..pregnant." Chan blinked and his face was stuck looking like he was still loading. But Jeongin continued anyways. "You know everything was fine at first. Everything was okay. Everything was fine...until it wasn't."

Jeongin took a long pause and Chan wished he never asked in the first place. His heart dropped to his stomach the second Jeongin said was. "When we were talking on the phone I lied. I wasn't taking any breaks from work and I always got home late. The only thing I did during those months you were away was work and eat. But nothing stayed down long anyways.

It was four months later when it happened. The day before I found out the gender it happened. I only found out after she stopped breathing. We were going to have a daughter." Jeongin's voice began cracking and he looked up at the kitchen lights to contain his tears. "There was so much blood and it hurt so much. Hyunjin was there and he took me to the hospital but they couldn't do anything.

I lost my child, Chan, our child. She couldn't even experience the world before she had to leave it behind." Jeongin broke down and he held on to the kitchen counter to stop himself from falling down on the hounds.

Chan was still in shock of what he discovered. All these years he thought that Jeongin was cheating on him and he tried hating the younger not knowing what kind of pain Jeongin was going through. He felt like he failed. As a person, as a boyfriend and....as a father.

He felt the wet liquid drip down his cheeks and he rushed to wipe his tears. Seeing Jeongin like that, sobbing right in front of him, he felt like he couldn't do anything. Chan felt fucking useless. His feet were glued to the floor and he wanted to go help up Jeongin, tell him everything was going to be fine and that he'll never leave again but he couldn't. It felt as though he was stuck in his own body. He couldn't voice anything he wanted to say to make him feel better.

Chan felt like nothing he was going to say was going to help the younger.

And there it is. Do you hear that? Yeah if you do it's the sound of two already shattered hearts fixed temporarily with tape falling apart again.

Chan made Jeongin look at him, lifting up the youngers face, and cupping his cheek. Jeongin leaned into the touch and Chan's thumb glided on the youngers cheekbone.

Maybe they could still save their relationship and find happiness in each other again.

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a/n: i cannot be emotional lol. i'll start updating more chapters since there's less than 15 before the story ends :,)