Sweetest Rebellion

Chapter 21

I took a cab with a definite destination in mind. I let the driver drive until we reach the location I have specified. It's a bit out of the way from Vallejo so it took us some time to get there.

"Thank you po." I said after paying

"Ma'am, ingat po kayo at gumagabi na rin." I gave the driver a quick smile before walking away.

Pumasok ako sa malalaking tarangkahan na magdadala saakin sa kung saan sigurado akong magpapakalma saakin at sa naghuhuramentadong kalooban ko.

Nothing really changed. Sa lahat lahat ay iisa parin ang nagiging takbuhan ko, mapa-masaya o malungkot man. Iisa pa rin ang nagiging sandigan ko, mula noon hanggang ngayon.

Pahirapan man ay nagawa ko pa ring maupo sa damuhan, kaharap siya. Panibagong mga luha ang tumakas saaking mga mata bago sumilay ang isang mapait at pilit na ngiti sa labi ko.

"Hi, Rael. Nice to be here with you again." I whispered in the wind as I stared at the perfectly polished gravestone in front of me.

Aphraz Rael Adler-Revamonte
Born: September 18, 1997
Died: June 9, 2019

"Kung nandito ka, malamang pinagalitan mo na ako kasi late na ay narito parin ako." Hinawakan ko ang lapidang kaharap sabay pinunasan ang ilang takas na luha saaking pisnge.

"I came here to celebrate with you. Look, I won a pageant title. Remember my dream of studying at Vallejo? It's happening now, and I'm crowned as Miss Vallejo 2021." masayang balita ko sa kakambal

Ngunit kahit gaano ko man piliting tatagan ang loob ko at pigilin ang sarili sa pag-iyak, hindi ko magawa, not when I'm here in front of his tomb, telling him stories without hearing anything from him in return.

"I miss you everyday, Rael. I'm sure you would be here right now if heaven was not so far away. Diba..."

I can't even bring myself to finish what I wanted to say. All I wish is for the heavens to hear me out without me saying a word, hoping that maybe, they'll tell my brother about it. Perhaps by then, someone will finally understand me.

"It's kinda hard to be living here with everyone around me and yet still feeling incomplete without you beside me. The void you left... it's still here."

Humiga ako sa tabi ng puntod nito at masuyong tiningnan ang kalangitan saaking harapan, madilim iyon at walang mga bituin. I smiled to myself kahit na ang hirap hirap.

Finally, I brought myself to tell my twin brother what I really came here for.

"Remember when you were still a-alive? You were always the first to know anything and everything about me because we made an oath to tell each other first before letting anyone else know. Nothing changed, ikaw pa rin ang una kong sasabihan."

A lone tear escaped my eye as I smiled at the memory of my twin brother. With him, I felt safe, mula noon hanggang ngayon.

"I think I like someone. No, I mean, I really like someone. Not just anyone but a woman... my Professor. " New sets of tears streamed down my face. Ang komplikado naman nito.

I despise the fact that I've finally figured out the name for it. I despise the fact that I've finally accepted it, and there's no way I can deny it now. I know what I actually feel. I hate that I like her, and I hate myself more for finally admitting it.

Galit ako sa sarili ko kasi sa lahat lahat, bakit siya? Masokista ba ako? All she does is insult me, hurt me, and make me feel less of a person everytime she compares me to other people. She only points out everything that is wrong with me.