Changes // Toni Shalifoe (DISCONTINUED)

2:3

Everyone helped with moving our stuff to the new campsite. The only girl adamant on staying at the beach was Rachel. She refused to move Nora's stuff and didn't want to relocate in case Nora came back. Most of us know Nora isn't coming back. I know that if she does come back, I don't want to see it. Her body at this point wouldn't be a pretty sight.

When we got to the new site, Toni made a bed for the two of us. At first she offered it to Martha, not wanting the girl to feel left out, but Marty insisted I take it with her.

I asked Dot if she wanted me to go with her to hopefully bring Rachel back to camp. Dot refused. Said it was probably better if only one person went, to not overcrowd or make her feel pressured. I agreed, but I felt nervous of them being out there in the dark.

"Hey, Emma, can you braid my hair?" Martha asks. My leg stops shaking anxiously and I give Martha a smile, nodding slightly and move to a more comfortable position. Martha laid herself on my lap, getting comfortable while I started to section off her hair to braid.

Toni looked up at us and smiled. I could feel her eyes on me, so I looked up and gave her a soft smile before going back to Martha's hair. The girl was telling some stories about her family. I just smiled at how she was describing her mom. I could tell she cared a lot about her and her mom clearly cared a lot about Martha and Toni.

I remember Toni telling me that she lived with Martha. The girl took her in to help her stay away from her foster family.

Fatin came up beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. She's been a bit distant since her and Leah got into the fight. She swears she's done with the girl, but I don't really believe it. Fatin cares about Leah way too much.

"You good?" I whisper to Fatin who nods.

"Peachy." She mumbles. I give her a look, but don't question it since I know she doesn't want to talk about it.

When I finished Martha's hair, Martha pulled away and looked down at her hair, "That's so pretty. How'd you learn how to do this?"

"Oh, uh Allie taught me. Before one of my meets, my hair tie broke and I didn't have an extra." I explain. I feel a few pairs of eyes on me, Toni included, but I ignore them.

"Looks good, Marty." Toni compliments, making her best friend beam a bit. Toni looks up at me. I smile at her and nod my head over to get her to come sit over. Toni complies, getting up from her spot and joining me. She sits on my other side, resting her own head on the shoulder that Fatin isn't resting on. I grab her hand and hold it, making Toni smile slightly.

When Dot and Rachel emerge from the woods. I smile over at them, happy that Rachel decided to come join us after all. She's still feeling pretty empty, but this is the first time she's moved from her spot.

Leah is shifting a bit awkwardly. The guilt of riling Rachel up still on her. However, when Rachel sits next to the girl, Leah visibly relaxes.

I lean my head on Toni's while we all sit around the fire. A comfort finds us. It's strange how close we have all gotten. There are some people I have known for my whole life, but it doesn't feel the same as it does with them. It's strange. Like we were all meant to be here with each other.

No one is really speaking. But it's a comfortable silence. However, Shelby cleared her voice, attracting most of our attention. I expect her to suggest some game or tell a story. What I didn't expect her to do was quickly, basically shouting, say, "I'm gay!"

Her eyes are wide as she stares at the fire. I feel Toni and Fatin lift their head off my shoulder as we look at her, "Welcome to the club." Toni says, a proud smirk on her face. Shelby relaxes when she looks around.

Dot, who is sitting next to Shelby, nudges her shoulder and smiles at her. All of us give some sort of words of encouragement, making Shelby beam. This is the first time someone's accepted her, "I, uh, never said it out loud. If my parents knew." She begins to trail off.

"Fuck what they think. You got us." Fatin says from next to me. Shelby smiles lightly at the girl, her shoulders and body visibly relaxing.

"We can teach you so much," I smile at her, "First, scissoring is a thing. Although, it may not be how you think-"

"Okay! Maybe one step at a time." Shelby interrupts me. Her face burning as she tries to hold in a laugh. We all look around at each other, before all bursting out into laughter. Toni grabs onto her stomach next to me.

My eyes connect with Rachel, who also starts to smile. I feel proud. It's the first time she's smiled since Nora.

Not even losing Nora has been the worst thing for her. She's also had to adjust missing her hand. Although, since she wasn't moving or speaking, she hasn't really had to try adjusting yet.

Soon our laughs die out and we go back into the comfortable silence. Some start to head off to bed. I made myself comfortable next to Toni on our makeshift bed.

Toni fell asleep fast. I can feel her soft breathing next to me but I can't help but feel a nagging sensation in the back of my head. Like there's something I should see. Something that's keeping me awake.

I hear one of the girls get up and start to walk away. I turn over and see it's Leah. She's walking into the forest, a dazed look on her face. I shuffle out of Toni's grip, lightly placing down her arm and start moving to follow Leah. I keep my eyebrows furrowed and try to follow her tracks to wherever she's going. When I spot her, she's leaning up against a tree, tears running down her face.

"Hey," I whispers, "What are you doing out here?" When Leah doesn't respond, I slowly make my way to her and carefully sit next to her, "Leah, what are you doing out here?"

"I just want to go home. I want this feeling to stop." Leah whispers.

"What feeling?"

"Like I'm slowly losing my mind. Waiting to snap. Waiting for the moment that my crazy thoughts prove to be unreal."

"If you're crazy then I'm crazy, Leah. I believe you and I'm ready to do whatever it takes. You don't have to carry this alone," I sigh, "I think you're actually the smartest one here. Sure, Dot has all the survival skills. But you knew something was up from the beginning. Whatever is going on, you're on the right track. I think."

"I'm over this. It's driving me insane. Fatin is beginning to hate me because of how I act-"

"Fatin doesn't hate you, Leah," I whisper, "Far from it. She's processing just like you are."

"Someone did this to us," Leah cries out, "Nora was working with them. How could someone do this to us?"

"I don't know," I hesitantly wrap an arm around her, the girl leaning into me, "W-we'll figure out who it is. We're gonna make them fucking pay. Somehow."

The silence between us is deafening. I grab Leah's free hand, comforting the girl as she cries lightly into my shoulder. I still don't know why she's out here, but I'm glad I'm here. I can't let Leah carry the burden. I need to get my shit together and work harder to figure this out.

Before the island catches up to Leah. Catches up to all of us.

I need to carry the burden now.

~~~

Dr. Faber and Agent Young sit in front of me as I stare off at the desk. I want to see the girls. They need to see me. I look down at my hands, really over these interviews already and just want this stupid quarantine to be over, "Come on, Emma. What happened the following days? You've barely spoke on them." Faber asks.

"I don't want to." I whisper.

"Why?"

I look between the two of them. A small smirk makes it way onto my face as I look around the room. My eyes land on the two way mirror. A part of me wonders who is on the other side, the other sort of knows.

I look at the mirror. The reflection of myself is all I see, "Guess I sort of spiralled."