Changes // Toni Shalifoe (DISCONTINUED)

2:4

No one prepares you for grief. There's no magic book. No activity to take it away. No universal experience. The only thing I knew about grief was that is consumed me.

It took me away just like Allie and Ethan were taken from me.

My mother doesn't even seem to care that she lost a son. She doesn't care that she basically lost a daughter. She doesn't even look at me anymore. Not since I walked off the gym meet and refused to ever perform ever again.

I basically was dead to her now. She didn't care.

Our house is just a graveyard for me. A constant reminder that my other half is gone. I had to take down all photos of me, Allie and Ethan.

Everywhere I go is a reminder. A scene. A graveyard. I go to school and there's now extra security. Posters litter the wall about the importance of gun safety and trauma specialist ads. Each morning I see Allie's empty seat and when I go home I see Ethan's empty room.

All traces of them left behind, but no body, no soul moving forward.

I have no friends. They were the only people in my life that truly cared for me. When they left, so did everyone else. No one cared to be around me and I didn't want to be around them.

My classmates see me outside of school. I usually go to the parties just to get out of my house. So many people have moved on, but I'm still stuck wishing for my past.

When I do go to parties, I don't talk to them. Just like now. All I'm doing is sitting in a corner, drinking until I feel something, and then I leave. No greetings. No one cares.

I walk along the streets tonight. A half bottle of vodka in my hand as I walk staring at the stars. A part of me hopes that I will see them. I try to trace the starts to find anything that shows they're here. Something to tell me that they're not just gone forever.

My eyes widen when I can trace out a E in the sky. Maybe it's my blurry vision, but I see it. I race forward, not even realizing I'm at the bridge, and I jump on the ledge, hugging it tighter to look up at the stars where Ethan is. My eyes blur with tears as I try to get close as I can. My tippy toes on the edge as I reach up-

"Emma! What the fuck are you doing?" I hear a voice. My body is pulled back and I fall on top of the person.

"Ethan?" I question, hearing a males voice.

"No. Jesus, how trashed are you?" I look down and see Nick staring up at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Fuck you." I whisper. I roll off him, laying on my back as my eyes try to search for Ethan. Try to find him again, "haven't you done enough? Played your own fucking part in my misery."

"I'm was making sure you weren't gonna fucking jump." Nick sighs. He starts to walk away, but stops when he hears my voice.

"I just want to see him again. I want to be with Ethan again."

Nick lets out a sigh. His body softening slightly before turning back to me, "He's gone, Em. They both are."

"No, they're up there. Ethan's here."

"Em-"

"He's here!" I cry to him. I can't find the E. He's not in the sky anymore, "Fuck! He was." I whisper.

Nick doesn't say anything. He picks me up slightly, moving us off the street so our back is resting on the side of the bridge. My head looking down at my lap as the pain is more present.