Changes // Toni Shalifoe (DISCONTINUED)

2:7

Day 38

I was doing what I seem to be doing every day. Walking around the fucking woods. At this point, I'm really fucking tired of them. I feel like I've already been to every place I visit and I'm trying to find the difference. I walk with Nora's drawings in my hand, trying to decipher them. At this point, it would be really helpful for one of the girls to believe me.

Leah's gone on her own. She's been in her own head that she doesn't even come to me with her theories. She doesn't even want to help. So, it's stuck with me doing it on my own.

I found myself wandering. Not even paying attention to where I was going. It made my mind wander. Go anywhere else. Even if I didn't want to go there.

It was a few weeks after I quit gymnastics. A few weeks after the funeral. I was forced to go back to school. Forced to see Ethan, Allie and some of my schoolmates now empty seat.

I found out who did it. Billy Monroe. He sat next to me in chemistry. He never spoke, usually kept to himself and was the definition of a loner. I didn't think he was a bad kid. Sure, a little odd, but there was nothing apparently wrong with him.

Except that he was bullied. I didn't know that. Nick and a bunch of his friends used to tease the shit out of him. I never knew how far it went, if it was far enough for him to do what he did, but it might have been. I never actually witnessed it myself.

Home is a shit show. My mom went to the funeral (that was hosted by the school. She didn't have her own like other families). She never cried, never reacted. Just moved on. I hate her for it. She goes to parties with her friends, soaks up the "I'm so sorry for your loss messages" and just does her own shit. She drinks more, with the parties she attends, and usually comes back fucked.

Like tonight.

I heard the door open and a thump. I let out a sigh as I walk down the stairs and see my mom laughing. Her eyes look up at my disappointed look and she laughs hard, "What, mom?"

"Just," She hiccups, "The look on your face."

"Yeah, well, what do you expect? You're fucking wasted."

"I'm just having fun," She slurs, "I never got to have fun cause I had you and Ethan. But, I guess I only have you now," For a second, I think my mom is finally going to react to Ethans death. Mourn her son. However, her next words prove it wrong, "Good riddance." She mumbles. My heart breaks slightly as I stare at her.

She hiccups, "Now, help mommy up."

"Sleep on the fucking floor." I mumbles, turning around and walking away. She calls after me, but I ignore her as I keep going. Slamming my room shut and flopping down on my bed.

I turn over and pick up the book I've been reading: The Institute by Stephen King.

I let myself drown in the book.

I don't even notice a tear running down my face. I wipe it away, letting out a sigh before looking around, "Fuck it." I whisper to myself, turning back around walking back to the camp. When I get there, I see the group of girls looking around a tub of items. They were all laughing at some piñata Shelby was hugging to her chest, "What's going on?"