Who You Are

Chapter 76 - Inquiry

It's been a year since that painful day at nightless city.  It was beautiful tonight, the moon glowing ethereally in the night sky, surrounded by the stunning light of so many stars. Inside the veranda Lan Wangji sat before his guqin, and let the fading notes of Inquiry echo in the air. Beside him, laid his two sons, sleeping soundly as Wangji played. His fingers ghosted over the strings, a new softer song playing for the audience of rabbits and the breeze. Would the wind carry the sound to Wei Ying's soul, like the legends told?

In years since they had met, Wangji had composed several songs, while the average disciple may only create one or two, that were truly their own. He admitted to none of them, hardly able to play them in the company of only himself. These were songs meant only for Wei Ying, not that he had ever planned for the wayward, beautiful man to actually hear them. This was the paradox of loving someone.

The only song that others knew of, was the melody he had hastily called Strands.

It was an ode to Wei Ying's long, silky waves of dark hair, the way the strands would dance in the breeze or shift as one rippling wave when he practiced martial arts.

When had that mild interest become love?

Lan Wangji could no longer remember a time when he had not admired Wei Ying's pale green wrists or flowing hair, the red of his hair ribbon or those captivating, enchanting silver eyes.

When did he begin comparing every shade of grey that nature offered around him, to those sparkling eyes?

When was he first seized by that strange desire, to brush back those wild strands that curled so beautifully around his face, just to feel them against his palm?

Was there a time before Wei Ying?

He could so easily remember the moment when he saw him again at eighteen, convinced with the naivete of a child, that the feelings that had captured him at fifteen were no more. He hardly ever thought of the lawless boy. After seeing him again, those dormant feelings he tried so hard to deny had changed without him noticing. Becoming something new, its form changing like a seed becoming a beautiful flower.

With no one else, did he feel this overwhelming amount of feelings, both tender and not. He had never, not even once, admired the collarbones of anyone else. Or watched with budding excitement when those dark robes lifted in the breeze, outlining those thin but powerful legs. So many emotions, colliding and changing in his heart. Boiling jealousy when he admired pretty women, envy when others were able to touch him or that bubbling sensation when he heard that happy laugh, to name only a few.

He remembers that day...That kiss. Stolen and everything he had told himself he didn't want. It had awakened in him, a need for Wei Ying that was impossible to put into words. The taste of him addicting... the blindfold keeping his identity hidden from those piercing silver eyes... Nothing was the same, from that day forward.

Later that night, having him in his arms, being able to touch him, love him, make him his. There tangled tongues and connected bodies felt as one. He could let all of his love out toward that one man he had longed for.

Ever since that night, he wanted him again. He wanted him as his husband, soulmate, and cultivation partner. Lust. Desire. Worship so sinful, that he had doubted that anyone could feel what he did. The chance to touch those silky strands of his hair again, became a desire to gather the mass of dark waves in his hand and force that face, with all its hard curves and sinful planes, to look at him.

Dreams filled with visions of skin, thanks to the shared time in the cold pools however reluctant he might have been at the time, added detail to his longing. That one moment when he had looked at those defined abdominal muscles and strong thighs, had fueled his desires for years.

His life of cultivation, Gusu Lan Sect rules and the honor of his family...he would give up everything for one man, beloved by few and loathed by most.

"All that I had known and cherished for my entire life Wei Ying," He whispered into the cold night air, "All of it.. means so little, without you in this world."

The pins indicating mourning were now affixed to his robes, but there was no body to mourn over, no final resting place to visit. his murderers were even now so fearful they watched over the Burial Mounds, ready at the slightest provocation to destroy his precious soul, should it return.

They do not know you as I do. Wei Ying. Come back to me.

With one last look at the glowing moon, his gathered his guqin, covering it smoothly in the long white cloth, rising with less than his
usual grace. He gently collected his sons and went back to the Jingshi.

Wei Ying's soul may not have come that, may not have listened to his pleading call, but he might tomorrow night. He would play Inquiry everyday for the rest of his life, until Wei Ying returned, he vowed it there on his veranda. His gaze drifted from the wood slats of the veranda, across the grass to the spring fed pools and the towering peaks of the mountains of Gusu. He vowed it here in his home, within the sacred lands of his people, a promise that echoed from his heart.

If his soul could not join Wei Ying yet in death, he would play for him.

...

"To make it clear, I don't even know where I was all those years...my soul just seemed to linger in a dark hole that no one could ever find," Wei Ying explained.

"That was something that was never really discovered," Xichen stated, "I even tried inquiry a few times and couldn't find you. So for you to say you don't even know where you were, it's quite a mystery."

"Because his soul was neither in the land of the living or in the world of the dead, it was to be known as lost in purgatory. It's a place between both worlds where those whose souls are undecided and full of sorrow. It is said almost everyone who passed goes through purgatory first, some make it out right away, some may take longer, and there are some who just never make it out. It is known that if a soul is lost in purgatory, it cannot be reached. So to have him suddenly summoned through the sacrifice is indeed, also a mystery," Baoshan explained.

"So basically, I not only suffered when I was alive, I suffered in death as well...as I never rested peacefully...per-say," Wei Ying said sounding as if he wasn't surprised, "who knew death would also be such a misery for me."

Lan Zhan frowned and hugged his husband, "I'm sad for Wei Ying," he said, "you are someone who doesn't or never even once deserved to be in misery or pain."

"Oh, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said holding the man's face in his hands.

Wei Ying slowly leaned in and gently placed his lips on Lan Zhan's. Lan Zhan continued to let the kiss be gentle as he returned the kiss and deepens it. Wei Ying was straddling his lap again, and then dropped his hands from Lan Zhan's face to the lapels of his robes, gripping them tightly. Lan Zhan wrapped his right arm around Wei Ying's waist while his left hand was on the back of Wei Ying's head.

Everyone turned away from them to let them be. Baoshan, though, with a snap of her fingers, flashed them back to their room. That caused the two to pull away from the kiss momentarily to see what just happened. Wei Ying smirked as he set a lock talisman to the door and some privacy talisman to the walls.

"So, I have a question for you?" Wei Ying asked.

"Hmm?"

"Remember when we found that incense burner?" Wei Ying reminded and leaned in to Lan Zhan's ear, "I want you to dominate me like we saw you did there."

Lan Zhan's eyes widened at his request, but he was one not to turn it down. Wei Ying wanted him rough and him in full beast mode. That was something Lan Zhan would gladly do.