Who You Are

Chapter 70 - Lan Wangji's Stand Off

After a couple of days of rest, everyone was back in the screening room. Baoshan informed them that they are to see some of Lan Wangji's history, before going to the point where Wei Ying was resurrected.

"I hope everyone is comfortable," Baoshan said and sat down.

"As comfortable as we can be," Wei Ying said quietly.

"A'Ying, don't you do and start blaming yourself for any of this either. This is just how Lan Wangji's coped to losing you."

Wei Ying nodded, "I will try."

...

"WEI YING!!"

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A shadow of someone inside the cave. The smell of burnt soot and ashes flaring his nostrils. He looked for his flute or anything of importance to Wei Wuxian, but couldn't find anything. Lan Wangji stood holding his sword. Looking like a warrior who'd had lost everything. Compared to his usual cold expressions whom Wei Wuxian was used to, Lan Wangji seemed frantic. The wound on his arm was still fresh as blood was soaking through the white sleeve of his robes.

Lan Wangji walked through entirety of the cave as he seemed to be looking for something. Lan Wangji seemed desperate and breathless as he frantically scanned at the whole cave. He went to the blood pool and then at his work place. Everything there had just been torn apart. None of his inventions were there. They were either stolen or destroyed. Blood was dripping down Lan Wangji's sleeve, and crystal tinted eyes revealed unshed tears of hopelessness, regret and guilt.

Finally stepping out of the cave, Lan Wangji's legs quiver as he kneels down clenching his sword tightly. The sword slipped through Lan Zhan's hand, clattering on the ground. He seemed defeated for the first time. For those who say Lan Wangji was incapable of having emotions, it was evident that the people knew nothing about the twin Jade. Lan Zhan was capable of having emotions, and it was on screen for everyone to see.

He was continuously staring at the ground not caring about anything. His expressions were as cold as ice and looked like he'd fall apart to pieces at any time. Lan Wangji was crouched down and crying silently. A streak of tears rolled down followed by another, and another and another.

"Wei Ying! You're so cruel," Lan Wangji shouted, profound tears blinding his
vision, "Cruel enough to choose death and find peace. Look at you!. You left me and our sons alone. What did you take us for?" He mumbled,streaks of tears slid down his cheeks. Lan Zhan was in agony so saying words that he had piled up in his heart were bound to come out.

...

Nobody could blame him for crying out loud, for sobbing, for forcing out each cracking voice that no one surely have expected from Gusu's Jade. Not only his words but the tears from his eyes were also hurting them. Not a single person had never anticipated that Wei Wuxian's death would have such a huge impact on him. Perhaps what Lan Zhan felt towards him was truly something more than what everyone had thought...at the time.

"Lan Zhan, I'm so sorry," Wei Ying said crying.

In Wei Ying's mind right now, he felt that he was so selfish he didn't think about how his death would have an impact on anyone... especially Lan Zhan. He felt terrible. He felt like hiding away being himself up into oblivion.

Lan Zhan heard him. He could see that Wei Ying was already pushing so much guilt into his heart for hurting him like that. That was exactly what Lan Zhan was afraid of... he was afraid Wei Ying would start to ball up and go back to how he was feeling when they first arrived to watch all of this.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said turning his face to look at him, "don't blame yourself... don't berate yourself... don't call yourself selfish. Please don't hurt yourself over this."