Who You Are

Chapter 82 - Two Clouds, One Lotus

~**Sensitive topics within this chapter, please read with caution**~

Topics include, mental health, suicide, and death.
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"Huan-Ge, can you watch the boys? I want to go out to night-hunt for a day or two," Wangji asked.

"Of course, please be careful..." Xichen said, "...you're going to try to look for him again, aren't you?"

"I know it's been ten years, but I still have some hope," Lan Zhan said, "but I just want to look...plus I've heard some things about puppets returning near Yiling and Qishan, so I find it weird."

"I have heard that too, why don't you let Shufu watch the boys and I go with you," he suggested, "I'm sure you'd like some company."

Wangji would actually like to have his brother with him. It's been a while since it was just the two of them out night-hunting.

"Alright," Wangji agreed.

After speaking with Lan Qiren and the boys, they agreed to letting them go. Lan Qiren wouldn't actually mind spending some time with the twins. They are good kids and he admires their hard work and focus so far.

"Since the two aren't too far apart, do you want to go to Yiling first or Qishan?"

"Can we go to Qishan?" Lan Zhan asked, "I haven't been there since that day...and I want to try to get my heart let go...but not completely."

"I understand," Xichen said, "come."

After stepping outside the gate of Cloud Recesses, the two hopped on their swords and made it to Qishan.

...

"Pretty brave of you to go back," Wei Ying told him, "you trying to find closure after so long is also an improvement of moving forward."

"I didn't like the idea of closure but I had to try a little bit," Wangji told him.

"I still admire you for at least trying," Wei Ying told him as he rested his head to Wangji's shoulder.

...

"How are you feeling?" Xichen asked.

"This place...this cliff...it holds memories I wish I could forget about for food...but if I do, I fear I would never remember him again..." Lan Wangji answered.

"With the boys, how can you not remember him?" Xichen asked trying to lighten the mood a little.

Wangji huffed out a chuckle, "true," he agreed, "Xiongzhang, if you made me choose between Wei Ying and letting go of my painful memories...I would always choose him...that way, he can still live with me."

"That cuts a bit deep," Xichen told him.

The two took a couple steps forward and stood atop the cliff. They stood there and looked down at the bottomless dark abyss of Nightless City.

"Ten years," Wangji said, "he's been gone for ten years...I still remember trying to save him...trying to pull him up but my arm was wounded, I couldn't get my strength to power through...Jiang Wanyin had to come along and pierce the edge of the cliff...if it broke just right, I would have fallen with him...Wei Ying pulled his hand away in fear of me falling...he pulled his hand away, to save me...I'm the last person he saved before he died..."