Everchanging

Waiting

!!TW!! Self-harm scars, talk of abuse, talk of child death

Sanemi didn't bother to check in and the receptionist didn't bother to call him out on it. He had become a regular lately, reluctantly. With slow and hesitant steps, he made his way towards his baby brother's room. He felt guilty, he should be excited.

Doctor Kanae had called him earlier that day to let him know that they were taking Genya off the machines and sedatives. Meaning, today would be the day that Sanemi would finally be able to actually speak to his baby brother for the first time in four years.

Genya had woken up a few times in the span of the month that he had been comatose. None of which were lucid nor fun to watch. The first time it had happened, the boy had tried to rip out the tube in his throat. He was hysterical as he tried to escape anyone who tried to help him, to stop him.

The hospital room was covered in splatters of blood from that tantrum. And all of the times after that that Genya woke up were just as bad and not fun to watch.

He had almost died a few times. Deciding that breathing and keeping his heart beating just wasn't his style. Thank God that Sanemi wasn't there either of those times. With the weight of everything that had been going on this whole month, he doesn't think he could handle watching his brother die.

He could barely handle hearing it.

"No one'll save you. Not the neighbors, not the cops, and sure as shit not Sanemi."

Sanemi had been basically living in his therapist's office. He was sure that Koinatsu was pretty much sick of him at this point. She had pretty much written a script of what he needed to hear.

"No, Genya's abuse and your siblings' deaths weren't your fault."

"You did what you had to do to survive. If you stayed there any longer, you probably wouldn't have made it out."

"You couldn't have prevented any of this from happening."

And that's what killed him. As the eldest brother, all he wanted was for his younger siblings to be safe. To be alive. But no matter what he did, he just wasn't capable of stopping his monster of a father. No matter what he did, Genya would still end up in a hospital bed and hooked up to a bajillion machines.

The only solace in all of this, besides his therapist, was the knowledge that that bastard had ended up behind bars. Sanemi had been able to attend the entire trial and watch that monster get sentenced and everything.

He couldn't help the rage that bubbled up in him when Kyogo showed his scar from that night. A bullet wound off the side of his abdomen. It was obvious that Genya hadn't aimed to kill.

And that's the kicker, isn't it?

While his baby brother was fighting for his life, going through surgery after surgery just to be able to live. His father was able to walk out of the hospital after a minor surgery and a few stitches. He got to walk out. He got to live his life in prison while Sumi, Hiroshi, Shuuya, Teiko, and Koto were dead and Genya was comatose.

Sanemi felt sickened by himself when he found himself wishing that Genya had aimed to kill. He wished that his baby brother hadn't given that monster the kindness that he wasn't given.

What kind of older brother was he? Wishing his baby brother had become a murderer rather than having to watch as their father got to live?

Sanemi hesitated for only a second before he walked into Genya's room. The machines were gone, making it easier to see the pinkish bandages that covered the boy from tip to tail. Numbly, the man sat in the uncomfortable chair next to the boy, scooting it further away.